Masturbation (Again)

[idk anymore]

So, I jack off from time to time. Much less than I used too, but that's not the point. I've never had any sort of sexual relationship with anyone, ever, something I've really want to change. However, I've come to terms with the fact that that likely won't happen any time soon. So, when I do get off, it feels good, ig, I'm more relaxed, whatever. But it just feels meaningless. Nothing's changed and it all still sucks. Part of me feels that it isn't the sex part that I really want, I can fulfill that myself, mostly, I think, but it's the emotional part. The feeling of closeness and the idea that anyone is comfortable enough with me, to do that with me. Is that normal? What should I do?

[Heather]

It's certainly very common for people to want emotional intimacy, with sex and otherwise.

Perhaps obviously, in the middle of this pandemic is a tricky time to want that when it's not something you already have in an existing relationship, and I'm sorry about that. A lot of people are finding themselves in that spot throughout this and I know it's really hard and extra isolating.

One way to pursue part of that through this is to recognize that you can still pursue emotional intimacy with people even if it isn' sexual or through those avenues. If one thing you want from intimacy is to feel the experience of building trust with someone, and them trusting you, like you seem to be saying, sex isn't the only way to experience that. How do you feel about a sort of middle ground with this given the current barriers to seeking out what it sounds like you might more ideally want right now?

[idk anymore]

Oh that would be great! Provided you had any ideas as to how to get me there. I've failed to be able to reach that level with anyone for over a year, and even that didn't last very long. I'm simply not a very appealing person. Couple that on the fact that my parents simply won't let me do long distance, so probably no one outside of my state (one of the small ones), I don't really have many options. Usually, all I'm ever doing when it comes to this arena is senselessly hitting on anything that moves in the hopes of somehow getting lucky. All that does is call attention to how much of a douche I am, and make me feel like shit.

[Alexa]

Hey idk anymore,

My best suggestions always revolve around finding communities of mutual interest. During a pandemic, that means things like finding subreddits, message boards, websites, etc. where you can meet people you have something in common with. In fact, we have a subreddit where you could post essentially this (I'm having trouble connecting with folks/finding intimacy in a pandemic, help?) and see what you come up with! https://www.reddit.com/r/QueerSexEdForAll/

[idk anymore]

I can't access this site. However, I have recently established a connection with someone so i should be okay for now

[Mo]

It's good to hear that you've connected with someone new! I think Alexa's idea of finding communities related to interests or other things you might have in common with someone would be a good plan for next time you want to try branching out and making new connections with folks.

[idk anymore]

Will do and thanks! I'm always trying to expand my horizons, meet new people, and create connections, regardless of who I may be involved with! that's one of the reasons I became active here!

[EdSnow]

Goodluck out there buddy!