Pain while masturbating/penetration

[compassnorth]

Hi there,

I'm a cisgender 16 year old girl and I've been masturbating since I was pretty young--but it's always been clitoral and I've never had anything penetrate. Not even a tampon or something similar.

I used to avoid it because I thought penetration was gross, but now I'm curious and I'd like to try it, plus tampons seem really helpful.

But now whenever I try to put in a tampon/masturbate, it really hurts! It's a sharp pain that leaves an ache for a while even after I've stopped. I've tried when I know that I'm aroused, while I'm on my period with tampons, I've tried doing kegels to relax the muscles, basically everything you can imagine. I think I can feel my hymen (?) and I can almost fit something in, but by then the pain is pretty bad and it doesn't feel like it's going to move or stretch, so I just quit. I've tried enough times that I know it'll hurt every time, and I feel like maybe I'm psyching myself out?

Is there anything at all I can do to get rid of this? I'm worried about how much it's going to affect my future--will this be permanent? Do I have vaginismus? Do I need to get a surgery to get rid of excess hymen? Or is this all purely psychological?

I apologize if I seem anxious about this, but I've done a lot of research and nothing has really helped. Thank you so much!

[Mo]

I'm sorry to hear this is causing you so much anxiety! If it helps, while I can understand your worry and frustration here, I don't think what you've described is necessarily a sign you're dealing with vaginismus or some other serious problem. You could certainly check in with a doctor or gynecologist when you next have an appointment, to rule out anything like that, but I think there are some other things you can try as well.
It's common for people to take a while to adjust to the sensation of vaginal entry. Only attempting it when you're feeling aroused is a good start; I'd definitely try and focus on staying relaxed, as well. Feeling tense or nervous can cause the body to tense up as well, making it a lot more difficult; you may find that spending some time masturbating externally first can help you feel more relaxed and aroused before you attempt entry.
If you aren't already using a good lubricant, I'd recommend that as well. You may even find that buying some latex or nitrile gloves will help also; a lubed, gloved finger will be very smooth and offer much less friction than even a lubed up naked finger, plus there's less likelihood of feeling a sharp nail.