Masturbation (eek!)

[pepsi]

Okay so. I feel so incredibly awkward but let's do this!!
I've read some message boards on here about masturbation (a word I apparently don't know how to spell--thanks autocorrect!), and while some of them have sort of been helpful, I find my problem is just a little to the left of all the ones I've found spoken about.
For context (I'll try not to get too TMI-y)- I (a human with a vagina) have been masturbating, or more accurately trying to masturbate, for actual years. I've tried all the things! Or at least many of the things, lol. Different techniques, positions, etc. I've looked up many a guide. I've done different fantasies, done masturbation without the intent to orgasm, etc etc. I rarely masturbate for the sake of it, usually I do it because I'm turned on and want a release. I'm doing everything right (which feels weird to say, because there's no such thing as a "right way to do it," but you know what I mean), but I never orgasm. I've never even gotten close!! And the whole "doing this for years" thing was not an exaggeration. Lack of practice is not the problem. I've considered that maybe I'm like some sort of late bloomer? I don't really get turned on by, like, looking at people's bodies, really. Usually it's from reading sex scenes in books? Like, I'm not sure I've ever been sexually attracted to a person before. So like, that could be it, but the problem still remains that I get turned on and it is so!! frustrating!! to have no release. Like it feels good for a moment, I get wet, I'm having a good time, but after a while it just gets monotonous and... boring. Ughhhhhhh I don't know!! Is it possible that I'm just the one person in the world who can't masturbate?? Will it come with (even more) time?? Should I be experimenting more???? Is there any way at all to deal with this super annoying sexual frustration? (Should I be worried about the not-sexually-attracted-to-specific-people thing, especially since I'm 16?) HELP!!

[Sam W]

Hi pepsi,

Experimenting more certainly can't hurt, because even if it doesn't lead to pleasure or orgasm, you're still learning things about your body. I want to hone in on your comment about masturbation starting to feel boring a little ways in, since that could be a big part of why it's not doing much for you. Does that boredom feel like it's about sensation (like pressure, or the movements you're using)? Or does have more to do with what you're thinking about?

If it helps to know, you're far from the first person to find you get turned on by things like sex scenes rather than specific people's bodies. That can happen for all sorts of reasons, including not having run across a person who you're attracted to yet, or not being someone who experiences much or any sexual attraction. Is there a specific aspect of all this that's worrying you?

[pepsi]

Hi pepsi,

Experimenting more certainly can't hurt, because even if it doesn't lead to pleasure or orgasm, you're still learning things about your body. I want to hone in on your comment about masturbation starting to feel boring a little ways in, since that could be a big part of why it's not doing much for you. Does that boredom feel like it's about sensation (like pressure, or the movements you're using)? Or does have more to do with what you're thinking about?

If it helps to know, you're far from the first person to find you get turned on by things like sex scenes rather than specific people's bodies. That can happen for all sorts of reasons, including not having run across a person who you're attracted to yet, or not being someone who experiences much or any sexual attraction. Is there a specific aspect of all this that's worrying you?

Oh boy I hope I'm doing this right!! Not 100% sure if I'm replying to my own post or to this comment?
Anyway, with the boredom, a little bit of both?? I find myself not experiencing a lot of sensation in general when I touch myself, although it isn't a complete lack either. But just in general it feels like nothing I'm doing is all that exciting... which isn't helped by the fact that I usually do also get a little bored with the fantasies too. It's hard to explain I guess, except for that while there is an adrenaline rush at the beginning, after a while the whole affair feels like... pointless?? I don't know if that was helpful at all, lol.
I guess my whole worry (and I know how this sounds as I'm typing it, I promise, but irrational fears gonna irrational fear) is that everyone else seems to be experiencing these things, and if I'm not, it must mean there's something strange happening with Me. But what you've written has made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
It has been a couple months, also, since I've written this post, and I've come to some realizations about myself since then, mainly being that perhaps I got a little caught up in comparing my experiences to others, and wanting to be at a certain place like everyone else seems to be, which is kind of silly. My problem hasn't gone away, but I've definitely gotten less stressed about it I think. Three cheers for character development!!
Thank you for responding.

[Sam W]

That's very helpful information, thank you! So, one thing you could try is to find ways to make masturbation an overall more engaging experience. That could be experimenting with different kinds of touch mid-session, or picking out new fantasies or sex scenes, or something else entirely. This article has some really good suggestions on how to do that: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms.

And hooray, I'm glad you're feeling less stressed about where you are in terms of your own desires! If you ever want to talk about those feelings, or anything else related to all this, we're happy to do so.