I'm torn about which gender I want to date...
Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2021 2:09 pm
Hi, so I'm genderfluid and pansexual. I'm also single (having a 'hot girl summer' and working on myself, but also interested in trying to date again) since school is going to start up again soon, I either want to a.) date around or b.) have a serious relationship.
And when it comes down to it, I guess I would say that I don't necessarily care about the gender in the long term. I have had crushes on girls and guys. And I am open to dating nonbinary people too if I think their personality is good with mine. Also, if someone changed their gender, I would date them.
But I have a weird train of thought. I have had crushes on (2-3) girls in the past but it was more in a romantic way. I can still picture myself having sex with a girl... but it's not the norm for me - I usually fantasize about having sex with a guy. Like, I really like the idea of having a girlfriend because biologically speaking I think a girl would understand me better and I could relate more to her as well. (Not trying to generalize - this is just based on what I've noticed in the differences of empathy for each biological sex.) But I ALSO want (more so, I think, then a girlfriend) to have a boyfriend (because I like a flat chest to snuggle on, a d*ck to enjoy, and generally, I am more attracted to a lower voice and the idea of a boyfriend). Gah, it's so confusing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, until I find a guy who I can be in a serious relationship, I kinda want to date girls but not have anything serious with them? Does that still mean I'm pansexual? Does that make me a selfish, horrible person? Like, obviously girls aren't just an experiment to me. But sex is important to me and I don't think lesbian sex fulfills my needs. And also just... guys. <3 Guys are cute and sweet and loving and I've always found sooo many guys attractive.
And then there's the part about me being genderfluid. How hard would it be to find a (attractive) pansexual guy who wants to have sex, have meaningful conversations, is empathetic, and really likes me for me? I don't think it's 'high standards'... but I acknowledge that a lot of guys my age aren't exactly comfortable with dating a genderfluid girl.
So to sum it up, I feel weird about wanting to date girls but not in a serious way, while simultaneously feeling like I want a serious boyfriend who is comfortable with my queerness and will fulfill my (sexual and romantic) needs. Any advice? I feel so confused and alone.
And when it comes down to it, I guess I would say that I don't necessarily care about the gender in the long term. I have had crushes on girls and guys. And I am open to dating nonbinary people too if I think their personality is good with mine. Also, if someone changed their gender, I would date them.
But I have a weird train of thought. I have had crushes on (2-3) girls in the past but it was more in a romantic way. I can still picture myself having sex with a girl... but it's not the norm for me - I usually fantasize about having sex with a guy. Like, I really like the idea of having a girlfriend because biologically speaking I think a girl would understand me better and I could relate more to her as well. (Not trying to generalize - this is just based on what I've noticed in the differences of empathy for each biological sex.) But I ALSO want (more so, I think, then a girlfriend) to have a boyfriend (because I like a flat chest to snuggle on, a d*ck to enjoy, and generally, I am more attracted to a lower voice and the idea of a boyfriend). Gah, it's so confusing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, until I find a guy who I can be in a serious relationship, I kinda want to date girls but not have anything serious with them? Does that still mean I'm pansexual? Does that make me a selfish, horrible person? Like, obviously girls aren't just an experiment to me. But sex is important to me and I don't think lesbian sex fulfills my needs. And also just... guys. <3 Guys are cute and sweet and loving and I've always found sooo many guys attractive.
And then there's the part about me being genderfluid. How hard would it be to find a (attractive) pansexual guy who wants to have sex, have meaningful conversations, is empathetic, and really likes me for me? I don't think it's 'high standards'... but I acknowledge that a lot of guys my age aren't exactly comfortable with dating a genderfluid girl.
So to sum it up, I feel weird about wanting to date girls but not in a serious way, while simultaneously feeling like I want a serious boyfriend who is comfortable with my queerness and will fulfill my (sexual and romantic) needs. Any advice? I feel so confused and alone.