Too excited,how to get calm before finding cervix?

[iloveeveryone]

hii!! Thank you!

I want to find my cervix and find out if it is "low" or "high". (for a menstrual cup)

I will be too excited while doing this new thing (putting my finger in my vagina) and nervous too, so I really think it will be hard for me to do it; how do I relax? The website I used said I need to be relaxed, is this so that my vaginal muscles will be loose?

Or is it okay if I have anxious-excited stomach feelings, and I can still have my finger reach my cervix?

[Elise]

Hi there iloveeveryone, and thanks for your question. Firstly, it is okay if you are excited and a bit nervous about trying this new thing, if you're still able to insert your finger in your vaginal canal, you'll still be able to get a sense of your cervix height. Your cervix's position can change a bit during menstruation, so it is best to measure between days 1-3 of your next period, so you can find it's position when you'll be using the cup.

Being relaxed will make it easier to insert your finger so that you aren't tensing up your muscles, however this doesn't mean you need to be the calmest you've ever been. Just like you don't have to be completely calm to insert a tampon or similar. It's also okay to try, and if it's not working, try again later. Sometimes having a first go at it will make part of the experience a bit less "new" and help dispel some nerves.

What can help (also for inserting your cup the first time when you get it), is to put some lube on your finger to help it slide in. Measuring during your period will also mean that the inside of your vaginal canal will be a bit more lubricated internally too (unless you have just removed a tampon and feeling a bit dry).

There are some great resources about menstrual cups on this YouTube channel, including comparisons and tips on insertion, removal etc. here:

• Menstrual Cup content on Precious Stars Vlogs (newer guides are at the bottom of the list, the channel has been going a long time and the presenter, Bree, redid some of her early guides.)
• Menstrual cup reviews on Precious Stars Vlogs

Also, it is totally okay if you try a cup and it's usable, but maybe not the perfect one for you - it'll still work and then you can look at what you'd like to try differently with the next one. If you have any other questions about cups, we're very happy to answer here

[iloveeveryone]

Oh!! Thank you so much! Every sentence helped a lot. I would have forgotten to take into account cervical position changing. A few questions:

Coconut oil can be used for lubing, right? Should I not be doing major things like switching to cups if I don't have access to basic equipment for going into my vagina, like lubricant?

I want to tell my mother I am switching from pads but she might not approve because of the risk of TSS. Should I switch without telling her or explain to her what menstrual cups are, their benefits and that I'm switching?

edit: I just found out on Scarleteen that cups aren't associated with TSS! I will probably tell my mother then, even though I will feel a bit shy discussing periods, which I know I shouldn't.

Thank you so much.

[Heather]

Glad it helped!

If you need lube for using a cup, then yeah, you won’t want to switch unless you have it. And yep, coconut oil is something you can use if you find it’s something that’s a good fit for your vaginal environment (a lot of folks do, but some don’t).

Just a note on TSS risks, even though, yep, cups aren’t associated with it: at this point, that risk is largely behavioral, even with tampons. In other words, if you’re good about changing them on time, then it’s not a viable risk. But again, this is a non-issue with cups regardless.

I wouldn’t get on yourself about how you should or shouldn’t feel talking to parents or anyone else about your periods or any other part or function of your body. We feel how we feel, and shame has been taught or learned, so that’s not on us in the first place.

[iloveeveryone]

Whoo! Thank you! I should be completely successful in switching to cups now!

Yes, I will see if I need lube for cups or not. Thank you for the notes about TSS and period shame. <3

[iloveeveryone]

Hi! Just a thinking aloud, but can someone please answer :
I did a first try finding my cervix, I saw lots of diagrams and got a mental picture of where everything is, but when I put a finger in, every part just felt the same and I couldn't identify anything! e.g. I thought I would find my inner labia easily
I will try again later, of course, so I know where to put the cup when I get it.

But I do know now what size cup I need because in every place I put my finger (I do hope one of those places was up my vagina to the cervix), it didn't go in past the middle of the finger, which was the rough measure I used.

[Siân]

Hi iloveeveryone!

So, your inner labia should be outside your vaginal opening and something you could see with a small mirror - have you tried using a little mirror so that you can see what you're doing and navigate more easily? It won't help figure out the internals but is a good starting point.

The cervix is at the end of the vaginal canal, so if you're finding that the tip of your finger touches something and can't go any further, that's probably your cervix!

Here are some extra diagrams: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More Does that help?

[iloveeveryone]

Thank you. I should get a mirror! And I had forgotten where that article was!!

The cervix is at the end of the vaginal canal, so if you're finding that the tip of your finger touches something and can't go any further, that's probably your cervix!

There is nothing between the vaginal opening and the perineum, right? I ask because I felt like there were multiple "deep" places my finger could go and I could push past all of them. How much wider is the vagina than my finger?

So next time I try I could go to the perineum, then go right above it and that would surely be the vaginal opening, leading to the cervix, so I know where to put a menstrual cup. Right?
Thank you so much.

[Siân]

That's right, the only two openings big enough to fit your finger in are your anus and vagina, which will feel very different.

I definitely think a mirror would be helpful! You might find that when you're looking, you are able to see better what's creating that impression of multiple openings - perhaps the angle of your fingers relative to your inner labia. One approach is to start from the front of your body and use the fingers of one hand to gently spread your inner labia, which should give you better access to your vaginal opening with your other hand. Maybe have a go at that and with a mirror and come back if you still have questions?

On how big your vagina is relative to your finger - it actually expands and contracts! The vaginal canal is a tube of muscle which sits closed most of the time, and can clench quite tightly but if you're relaxed and/or turned on it can also open pretty wide. If you're just putting one finger in, you might find it hugs that finger pretty closely, but if you add a second it's likely to make space for that too. The bigger the object you're inserting the more important it is to be relaxed and have some lube on hand though! Does that make sense?

[iloveeveryone]

Yes, that makes sense!! I will definitely try all those and come back if I have more questions, thank you a lot.