Issues with Sex Drive

[PotatoTheCatfox]

I'm not too sure how this board works but I'm leaving a reply here in case this lets me get notified when a post is made here. I'm experiencing very similar problems. ;W;

[Sam W]

Hi PotatoTheCatfox,

I split your question off so you could have your own thread! Can you say a little more about what the issues with your sex drive look like for you?

[PotatoTheCatfox]

Well, my libido is weird, but it acts up very frequently. I was told as a teen that it would eventually lessen but it didn't.

Very frequently I feel it when I need to be productive (ie school stuff) or in public. These moments, it's distracting and I can't act on it to make it go away. I've got ADHD too and this makes it a whole lot worse-

Anyway, when I actually touch myself, I usually just fantasize while doing it. Making love with my crush, or imagining me as one member of a fictional couple I ship, or some fun with a friend. I sometimes have the opposite set of genitals in the fantasy. And then I come, and I feel awful about it sometimes. I dunno. I don't like having this libido. Got very close to doing some not nice things because of it.

[Sofi]

So, the thing about libido is, there's nothing wrong with its levels being high OR low. There's nothing inherently wrong with feeling sexual often, it's about learning to manage it. I don't want you to feel awful about masturbation or having a high libido, do you know if there is an underlying reason for that? For example, what messages did you receive growing up about sex and masturbation?
Of course, a great tip for helping with the libido issue is to exercise or do some sort of physical activity to calm it down and distract your body. It could be something like taking a run around the neighborhood, playing a game of whatever sport you like, or just some exercises in your room followed by a cold shower.
I have some articles that I think will be helpful, please feel free to look over them and let us know if any of it resonates with you:
How to Handle a Libido That Switched from Low to High
I Feel Guilty for Wanting Sex

[PotatoTheCatfox]

Unfortunately exercise does not help me with my libido when it's there, because after that I'm tired AND horny ;w;

And that's the thing, I only really hate having it because I'm entirely unable to manage it. I tried, and I can mask it from others but it's still there. Masturbating helps me release it but not always. I've tried seeking others to help with it, but I've never received consent, and I hope it's obvious why still wanting it would still feel awful.

[Sam W]

Hi PotatoTheCatfox,

Thank you for those details! Out of curiosity, what being able to manage your libido look like to you?

[PotatoTheCatfox]

Hmm... Not getting distracted by it, being able to repress it when inappropriate and not continue wanting to deal with it.

[Sam W]

Got it. So, one thing that can help is to treat arousal like you would any other emotion. Hunger is a good example; sometimes we get hungry and we're just not in a situation where we can do anything about it, so our options are to do our best to ignore it, or to find other things to focus on until we can act on it (or, in the case of something like arousal, we act on it OR it just sort of fades on its own).

Too, instead of truing to repress arousal when it happens, it can help to acknowledge that it's there and then do what we can to shift our focus to other things. Part of why that helps is that, when we tamp down on a feeling and don't acknowledge it, it can actually distract us more because we're putting so much effort into keeping it down.

[PotatoTheCatfox]

Re: your first point, I've been finding that harder than usual when I sent the post. Right now I'm at what I expect is a valley.

Re: your second, I've got ADHD and find it VERY hard to control what I focus on. Any tips for what to do if my brain just REALLY can't stop thinking about it?

[Sam W]

There will definitely be points where desire (or, really, most emotions or urges) are easier or harder to ignore or not focus on; sometimes that's one of those things where we may have to grit our teeth and wait until it fades if it's something we can't, or don't want to, act on.

Are there tools or techniques that you use to manage ADHD in daily life that you think you could apply to the focus issues you're having with desire?

[PotatoTheCatfox]

I don't know if any of the sex drive issues could be managed with my typical ADHD management, so... If gritting my teeth is inevitable, I guess gritting my teeth will have to happen.

[Sam W]

The teeth gritting will probably happen at some point (that is, in my experience, an annoying reality of life). Do you think it would be worth trying an experiment for a week or two to see what happens if you do apply those ADHD management techniques to the sex drive stuff?