Pain with Penatration

[Lovergirl95]

Clitoral stimulation works great I can cum from that no problem, but no matter what size dildo, vibrator, how much lube or how many fingers I use, I either feel pain or next to nothing at all there isn't a hint of please unless I tilt a vibrator the right way and can somewhat feel it on my clit. Ive tried putting pressure against the different walls to see if that does something but that just hurts more than when it's sitting and using my hand to thrust it inside me like a guy would if I was actually having sex hurts 10x worse. What could be wrong??

[Sam W]

Hi Lovergirl95,

Part of what may be going on is that, past about the first third, the vaginal canal isn't all that sensitive. That's why a lot of people find clitoral stimulation does way more for them in terms of pleasure than inserting things into the vaginal canal does. If you're curious, you can read more about that here: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body.

In terms of the discomfort, are you also really aroused--mentally and physically--when you try inserting things into the vaginal canal?

[Lovergirl95]

Yes I am, I really only try inserting things when I'm really aroused like that cause I know it hurts now, but want to try again to see if it'll work. And if it's bigger than about a finger it hurts the most around the opening no matter what I use, but I can also feel the toys and whatnot all the way down my vagina no matter where it's positioned or how it's moved I can always feel it but it doesn't feel good. I also have some sensory issues with touching that probably doesn't help either, but I've never had the same reaction to those issues when pleasuring myself

[Elise]

Hi there Lovergirl95, I'm sorry to hear that this is causing you some pain and frustration at the moment. Sometimes, what can be the issue is tensing up before trying to insert something because you're expecting pain, and/or because you're putting pressure on yourself to have inserting something into your vagina feel pleasurable. Because our brains are a really important part of the sexual response cycle, that kind of stress/anxiety can really engage the brakes as far as arousal is concerned. Therefore it could be a good idea to give yourself a break from trying to insert things into your vagina for a while, and focus on things that do bring you pleasure, whether those are other sexual things, or things entirely separate to sex that bring you happiness or physical enjoyment.

Another thing that you could try is inserting a small dildo or a finger at first, after you've already orgasmed, as you'll be very aroused at that point. You can read more about it in this article here: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse. Given your experience (and that of many other people with vaginas, you may not find this sensation of having something inserted in your vagina particularly pleasurable, but if this doesn't cause you pain, then you have the information that being fully aroused is the key to avoiding pain.

With regards to penis in vagina intercourse, it is also worthwhile to remember that it isn't the be all and end all of sex, there are many other ways to be sexual with a partner, which the above linked article goes into in a bit more detail. When you've had an opportunity to read it, please feel free to share your questions, thoughts and curiosities about it (or anything else) with us here!