Partner With Different COVID-19 Threat Model?

[quoteromantic]

My COVID-19 threat model is to wear KN95 masks any time I'm inside a building or enclosed space with other people, other than my apartment, which I share with three roommates who are generally also mask-wearers. I've had COVID-19 and Epstein-Barr before, and I'm pretty sure both left me with long-term chronic fatigue & cognitive issues, so I really don't want to get sick again, or pass it along to anyone else.

Recently, I started hooking up with a friend. He lives alone and I figured that it would be relatively safe to add one person into my unfiltered breathing space - but then I found out that he doesn't wear a mask at his job in a restaurant. I told him that was really risky, but he kind of meh-ed it off, and in the moment I didn't push it. I was surprised because I'd seen him wearing masks in public and we'd just had some great conversations about STI risk, which he's (thankfully) really educated about - when we each last were sexually active and when we got tested & for what, using barriers, whether to try to get on PreP, etc.

I feel like if he was as dismissive about STI risk as he is about COVID-19, that would be a huge red flag that he doesn't care about my safety or his own, and I would break things off. But since the government seems to be trying to fool people into thinking the pandemic is over and/or that covid isn't dangerous, I think he might just not have a good sense of how risky it actually is. I also got the sense he's worried about losing income because of customers or management judging him, and that's something I'm really not sure how to address. I'd be willing to help him out with money, but I don't think he'd accept it, and it might be kind of a weird dynamic.

[Carly]

Hey quoteromantic -- I see where your concerns are. I think the best next step is to talk to him directly about what you've said here, I think you did a really good job of laying it all out. Though he seemed dismissive before, it sounds like he is generally pretty mindful of safety. Telling him directly that it's important to you to discuss it openly, I'm hoping, will start a better discussion like you've had with other health risks. I think the important to thing to keep in mind when you do it is to make the conversation as non-judgmental as possible, as this topic can get really tense. Does this feel different from other conversations in any way? Are you finding yourself more nervous or anything?