Sexually Harassed

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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Jess@888
not a newbie
Posts: 94
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 1:28 pm
Age: 25
Awesomeness Quotient: Passionate
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Asexual/straight
Location: FL

Sexually Harassed

Unread post by Jess@888 »

I still remember these events. It came back when I have been healing from it.
I was sexually harassed when I was 13 years old. This all started because I said no to this guy who wanted to date me and wanted sex. He started sexually harassing me in my Civics class. He would say disgusting things. He asked me inappropriate questions that my fiance doesn't inquire about.
This guy would say my p***y and breasts stink. Then he would show controlling traits when we weren't dating. He did ask when I was fertile, how many days I had my period, and when my period came. I was appalled by this, I didn't respond. I wanted to say something, but I froze and became silent. My second ex sexually harassed me before he did sexually coerce and assaulted me. I used this sexual harassment experience to help me with my second ex although there were different guys.

I still can feel my 13-year-old self. I was doing my best to be composed, but I questioned myself. I thought I did anything wrong. I shit these down. I know what these guys did was wrong. I have received counseling for both.

I may not understand why this guy asked inappropriate and sensitive questions. I know where his thoughts were indicating what he was inquiring— he had some disgusting thoughts. My friends at the time thought he had a rape thing. I'll never know. I don't get these people who have to put these people through violence to get their way.
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Sexually Harassed

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Jess99,

Even if it's part of the healing process, having memories of abuse surface can be so rough. I do think it's sound to keep exploring those feelings with the counselor, including processing the reasons why people make choices to abuse others (if your therapist thinks that's a beneficial way to take the conversation).
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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