how to stop being horny

[purple_triangle]

I find masturbation frustrating, as I've discussed before, but I find random arousal/horniness more irritating. Now I'm wondering if there's ways to get rid of that feeling without doing anything sexual - I like sexual stuff when I have time but often it's just really inconvenient. I've found that exercise can help reduce it but only temporarily, and that can also be time consuming. I recently started testosterone and I'm worried that the sexual side effects are going to make this worse, and I'd really appreciate any advice on how I can deal with this or be less distracted by it.

[Heather]

Hey there.

So, for sure, it is pretty common for T to amplify sexual desire, so you will want to know that's coming.

Generally, we can't really keep ourselves from having feelings of desire. That's just not something we can tend to be able to control. But feelings of sexual desire will usually tend to just go away in time if we let them without making a big deal of them, a lot like, say, a desire to scratch an itch will, or a desire to go see a movie.

But it sounds like you're saying that you have a hard time letting those feelings pass when you don't want to do anything sexual with them: do I have that right?

If so, can you say a little more about what that feels like for you, that feeling of distraction you don't like? How long does it last? What do you often do when it happens? What have you tried to cope with it, and what feels like it's worked for you and what feels like it hasn't?

[purple_triangle]

Yes, I find it hard to let them pass. I feel very aware of my genitals and sometimes get a sort of tingly feeling down there or in my chest. It can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours. It makes it hard to focus on other things, and I sometimes feel awkward interacting with people when I can't stop thinking about my arousal. The ways I've manged to cope with it are going walks and showering with cold water, and sometimes I can force myself to ignore it by concentrating on another task but sometimes that doesn't work. I think one thing that adds to this is I often feel awkward or guilty if I look at nonsexual content, especially if it includes animals, while I'm feeling aroused, even if this is accidental. Writing this out is making me realize that this is kind of similar to my experiences with intrusive thoughts, but it feels harder to deal with somehow, probably because of the physical sensations that come with it.

[Carly]

Hey purple_triangle -- can you explain a little more about when you feel awkward or guilty looking at non-sexual content while you're having these feelings? Does that compare or have any connection at all with having intrusive thoughts?

[purple_triangle]

It's really more of an issue while I'm actively masturbating but sometimes I start feeling worried that if I look at something while feeling horny then it'll become something I'm attracted to somehow? This mostly applies to pictures of real people or animals. It's kind of similar to worries I have about what if I'm secretly a bad person I guess? I haven't really thought about it from that angle

[Elise]

Hi there purple_triangle, sorry to hear that you're dealing with these kinds of difficult feelings at the moment, feeling that you might secretly be "bad" is something that a lot of people struggle with (even when they aren't really that way), however whilst I hope this might assist in helping you feel less alone, that doesn't take away how difficult it can be to feel that way.

Is this something you've always worried about/has always been an intrusive thought for you, or did it start at a time you can remember? Also, have you ever spoken to someone like a therapist or counsellor to get help with intrusive thoughts, and did they give you any techniques to help you with them that worked for you?