Anxious about a potential romantic partner - anxiety vs actual danger

[Asking Queries]

Hello everyone, it’s me again.

I was telling yet another person (I’ll call them B) that I had a little bit of of a crush on them, and to my delight and surprise, they said that they also have a little bit of a crush on me.

While I was talking with them, I felt totally safe and comfortable (with just a bit of “good” nervousness), but afterwards, my anxiety started going, saying that they were unsafe in some way.

My question is: is there some way for me to differentiate between gut feelings and my anxiety? I am continuously anxious about a variety of things, so I’ve learned to not immediately trust those feelings. (And the things I’m anxious about are things I should genuinely not be anxious about.)

[Nicole]

Hi Asking Queries,

Anxiety is so tricky and sometimes I even have a difficult time differentiating between gut feelings and my anxiety. I don't think it's as simple as people expect it to be. Sometimes when I experience irrational thoughts and anxiety about a particular matter, I tend to focus on "facts." I focus on what really happened and try to discredit it. Does that make sense?

For instance, you had a great conversation with B. Think about what you spoke about, body language, your surroundings, etc. Think back to that moment. Did you see anything that displayed that they were unsafe? Why would they feel unsafe? Crushing on someone is already anxiety central, it would be unfair to you if any irrational thoughts made the situation even more difficult!

Gut feelings can be helpful when you're actually in an unsafe situation. Irrational anxiety can be detrimental to experiencing amazing things. It's important to try to ground yourself and find reality in those moments. I know it's easier said than done, but it can be done in small steps so it's not overwhelming. Similar to what I mentioned above, noticing these aspects can help differentiate between gut feelings and anxiety. Please let me know if any of this helps at all.

[Asking Queries]

Hello, sorry for this response taking a while.

Yeah, that makes sense.
I’m not in any sort of rush, so I’m just going to take things slow.
I really appreciate the advice, I’ll probably be back with more questions in a bit.