My family are great but i feel like they need a slap in the face of reality.

[Imembarassed]

Yo, im 16 living with my mother(54), father(56) and younger brother(14).
When i first came iut to my parents, the night before my 13th birthday as they took all my games, devices and entertainment away from me until i showed them my accounts on social media, i kept refusing as i hadnt came out to them yet and i was openly lgbt on my accounts. Then they threatened to get rid of my collection of plushies which made me break and tell them that i was trans and liked both girls and boys, their reaction was disgusting. They laughed, when i told them the name i wanted to go by they laughed and said that Kc had to stand for something and it couldnt just be that (i have lengthened it to casey now, but i sometimes go by Kei if im feeling more masculine). I started to cry, my brother knew as i had told him and our gaming friends a few months prior, so he tried to comfort and defend me.

Anyway i find out my dad is pretty accepting in reality and crossed out the name he wrote in my bday card and changed it to Kc. My mother didnt though. My dad did have some slip ups every now and then, and my mother put no effort into trying. Eventually my mother fell out with my grandmother and magically started trying to call me casey (this was about a year and a half ago so i lengthened it), my grandparents loved to be closed minded disgusting human beings, who bribed me to not be trans and to not kms but that story is for another day.

So in december 2022, my parents call me casey and usually mess up pronouns unless i have friends over, and my brother… well he took a turn for the worst… he started following andrew tate, he started working out, he stopped going to school, he became a strongly orthodox christian. He still calls me casey, but he misgenders me he calls me slurs and justifies it by saying “its only a description” and he makes racist remarks around me whenever a POC comes on tv or is mentioned in a book or letter, i hate it because he used to see me as a demi-boy but not anymore. My parents for a while saw me as a demi-boy but not anymore. My friends used to see me as a demi-boy but im not sure anymore.

Recently what really tipped me over the edge, my mother took me shopping for clothes the other day, i run off to the mens section, and then after looking for a bit, my mum comes round the corner and shows me a skirt and croptop. I look at her like ‘seriously?’ And then she takes a look in my hand to see the clothes i chose and she said “are you sure ?” I nodded and then tried them on, when i showed her she said she loved the skirt and croptop so much that she was gonna get those wether i picked them or not. I came back with only one top, a black baggy one, just plain black, and then the cutesy skirt and croptop, i acted so grateful for all of it but i only like the black top but dont have the heart to tell her that i dont like the cutesy stuff she did and i want to look masculine. I dont know how to approach it because she keeps asking when im going to wear it, also im already stressed because GCSEs are in literally 7 days and im going through a really bad mental health patch and this is also stressing me out and my mum wants me to wear a dress for prom after GCSEs. I dont know what to do.

[Nicole]

Hey Imembarassed,

I'm really sorry to hear what you've gone through and thank you for being so vulnerable with sharing your highs and lows of coming out to your family. This all sounds incredibly rough--the unreliability from your parents regarding respect for your identity and losing your brother to the Andrew Tate pipeline. Honestly, it's all too common now and I'm glad you reached out to us!

Have you had a conversation with your mom about the shopping incident since it happened? I just wonder why she switched up on you all of a sudden regarding your gender expression. It seemed like your mom was heading in the right direction prior to this since you mentioned that she started calling you by your name. Did she provide any reasoning for handing you those clothes? Why do you think she did that?

The prom dress situation does not sound any better. What would be the repercussions if you told her no? Have you had a conversation about that? Also, do you think it would be any help to talk to your dad about this? It seemed like he was more understanding and open. I don't know if involving the other parent might be necessary, but your dad seemed to really put in the effort to respect your identity, so his input could be helpful. What do you think?

Also, I'm not sure about how your relationship is with your brother now, but if you want to talk to us about that too, then we're happy to help. Again, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and I'm wishing you luck. I hope this helps in any capacity.