Asking my gf to use gloves?

[Jay27]

My gf and I had never had any sexual contact before we got together. But we still got tested just in case and we always use dental dams for oral sex. We care about safety. I want both of us to start using gloves for fingering each other but when I mentioned that some lesbians use gloves, she told me that gloves are too medical and they turn her off so I haven’t brought it up again. She said that as long as we wash our hands first then it’s fine. I sometimes have eczema or small scratches on my hands and I’m concerned about whether that could hurt her. Idk if it’s safe? I also don’t wanna get BV or a UTI from her. How should I bring up using gloves if she’s already had a negative reaction before?

[Latha]

Hi there, Jay 27- welcome to the boards! I just have to say, I think it's great that you're so committed to having safe sex.

Firstly, to address the bit about your hands: eczema isn't contagious, but it does disrupt the skin barrier, which may increase the risk of infection for you. Speaking from personal experience, washing your hands very frequently can make eczema worse. Additionally, eczema and scratches could make the texture of your hands a little rougher, which may hurt you or her. Gloves could help with all of these things.

We can't always help the associations we develop- your girlfriend associates gloves with medical environments, and that disinterests her. Be that as it may, you've made good points in favor of using gloves. I think you should speak to her about the concerns you have. Even if she has expressed a negative reaction before, that doesn't mean she won't be open to hearing you out- you may be able to find some middle ground. For example, medical gloves are often some shade of blue (at least as I imagine them)- wearing black gloves could make the medical connection less obvious.

I hope this helps!

[Jay27]

Thanks for the advice! I have a lot of anxiety, especially because sex is new to me and I want to be responsible. I didn’t know you could get black gloves because I’ve only seen them in blue, but I’ll be on the lookout for them! She told me that I haven’t hurt her before while fingering, but sometimes it’s physically uncomfortable for me when I have eczema. I guess if I bring it up I could say that I really like fingering her but if I’m having a flare up it’s more comfortable for me to have a barrier. Should you use lube with gloves?

[Heather]

By all means, just like without gloves, lube is pretty essential for manual sex to feel good to folks most of the time.

It might help with this to ask to have a conversation about it to see if you can't find some middle ground here. For sure, when you have a skin disorder flare up, the fluids from someone's body can sure make it feel a lot worse.

I'd say exactly what you have here: that there are times having a barrier is what makes it so YOU feel able to do certain things comfortably. I'd offer up some ideas about this: might she be willing to see if you and she can't take the medical-ness out of this by creating some new experiences? What in your environment might help her get rid of a medical association: how about things like music, some kind of fresh scent in the space, focusing on how she feels during, etc?

[Jay27]

Those ideas sound good. I have a playlist that we usually listen to during sex. And maybe if she’s kissing or holding me while I’m putting the glove on, that could make it feel more sensual