questioning my sexuality: never been in a relationship

[staplesj_]

so tbh, there has been a time where I questioned my sexuality because of my lack of experience. So tbh, I’ve always felt like I’ve had to fight for attention from other women my age specially when I was younger sometimes that was my motivation as to why I joined certain things. But tbh I never really received a lot of attention from women my age in terms of dating and have always had a rough time and as I got older the more experience I got in terms of working in college especially I felt like the further I got away from having interactions with the opposite sex. For the last couple months, I have struggled with my sexual identity meaning that because of my lack of experience I have questioned a lot of things specially approaching my late 20’s.

2/2 there have been nights where I went to bed crying because I was struggling with if im straight or not knowing that I’m attracted to women but because of my lack of experience it made me question things and it held me back. I feel that if I am ever open about this im afraid that I’ll loose interest from women my age.
Im an emotional person even as a guy, I cry alot I try not to cry in public because I try to have composure but lately ive been really sad. I mean im in therapy but in terms of finding people that are pottiential partners I feel lost and not hopeful.

Do I see myself with a guy or being intimate with another guy, most likely not but I have struggled so much with my sexual identity because I haven't had any experience sexually and even other things too.

[Sam W]

Hi staplesj_,

It sounds like this is really a source of stress for you, and like it might be combining with feelings of loneliness and more general sadness to make you feel even rougher that you already do.

I think a really helpful starting place could be to remind yourself that your dating and sexual experiences are only one part of figuring out your sexual orientation and, for many people, they end up feeling sure of their sexual orientation before they ever have much experience dating. Who we experience attraction to and crushes on, who we fantasize about, and even what term or label feels right to us gives us information on our sexual orientation. So if you only ever experience attraction to or interest in women, then there's no reason to think you're not straight just because you haven't gone on many, or any, dates. Does that make sense?

Too, I think it could help to ask yourself what's upsetting you about the possibility that you're not straight. Is it fear of judgement? That it would be unfamiliar? Something else entirely?