struggling with masturbation

[flugame]

this is really difficult for me to explain but i'll try my best ~

most of the time when i masturbate i have to use specific fantasies so that i can be like horny enough to get into it, and these fantasies are often really uncomfortable for me so i try to avoid thinking about them as much as possible (except if i want to masturbate because then i basically have to think about them in order to get aroused enough to actually get sexual pleasure). but as i've said these fantasies make me really uncomfortable, i've had intrusive thoughts about them in the past and some of them are based in things that really scare me like my genuine fears, so i also can't actually orgasm when using them because they make me so uncomfortable.

i used to id as asexual but in the past year or so i have experienced some sexual attraction and on some days masturbated with fantasies of having sex with the people i was attracted to. in these cases i was able to orgasm, i felt really good about the masturbation i had done, no shame or icky feelings at all and i got to come, and that was a much better time. this has only happened a few times as for some reason generally fantasising about people i'm attracted to isn't usually enough for me to get properly aroused? i want to masturbate in this way more often because it is so much better than the way i usually have to to actually experience pleasure.

i don't know if this made any sense but how do i improve my situation? i want to get a better relationship with my sexuality and masturbation, enjoy and get pleasure from the fantasies that make me feel good rather than having to fantasise about stuff that genuinely makes me really uncomfortable and sometimes scared.

[Latha]

Hi there, flugame!

What you've said makes sense, don't worry. Since those first fantasies make you so uncomfortable and scared, I do think it is a good plan to step back a bit and try to focus on other fantasies and ways of experiencing pleasure. As I understand, it isn't unusual that you can't always get properly aroused just from fantasizing about people you're attracted to. It may help to experiment with things like sexual media, and different kinds of stimulation/positions.

Would you check out the following article? I think the suggestions might be useful to you: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms