I'm getting scared again

[Yohanz]

She got a brown discharge which she typically gets before her period and its been 3 months since the incident. According to flo her period is 8 days late and the cycle is 43 days but have no pregnancy symptoms. Sorry again the anxiety is too much to handle for me especially I'm bad at dealing at it.

[Heather]

Hi again, Yohanz.

So, the crux of what you're4 saying here is that months after a pregnancy risk that probably wasn't even a risk, you are still having a great deal of anxiety. That makes this an anxiety problem, not a pregnancy risk problem. You also make clear that you haven't figured out ways to manage that anxiety. I have a few thoughts:

1) If you are asking your parter for information about things like her discharges, you need to stop. Not only does that often feel invasive for the person whose body you're asking about in that detail, this is only going to keep you focused on this and keep your anixety about it going. If she is volunteering that information -- you aren't asking -- I would suggest you ask her to stop sharing that kind of information with you for now.

2) Period trackers almost always only increase people's anxiety, and what's worse, they cannot give information that's as accurate as they can sound like it is. I would stop asking about or looking at her tracker app, or, if she is volunteering this, ask her to stop sharing that information with you.*

3) You need to take your focus off of this and put it somewhere else. This person is very clearly not pregnant and clearly did not become pregnant from what you two did months ago. You have to work on letting it go and moving on, and to do that, you will need to learn to better manage your anxiety, and that includes learning, when these thoughts come up, to let them go and stay focused on the rest of your life. We have some resources and tips on this page for dealing with anxiety here: https://www.scarleteen.com/anxiety_and_ ... _resources


* A caveat here is this: is SHE also worried about pregancy, and that's why she is sharing this information with you? If so, let's talk about that, too.

[Yohanz]

she is worried sometimes we are alarmed because her period isn't coming she just woke up from a severe headache and vomited this early morning but she has fever. It's because of the theoretical possibilities everyone is saying it's giving me anxiety. I'm scared I really am.

[Yohanz]

Is there really no risk? Is that theory applicable for my situation ?

[Yohanz]

Am I a bad person for doing sexual things?

[Heather]

I'm not going to engage with you around the questions where you're asking us to repeat answers we have already given you. Not only did we already answer those -- and of course our answers were truthful and accurate -- but you're asking us to engage with your anxiety in a way we know not to be helpful to either a person with anxiety or anyone else.

But this last question, where you ask if you are a bad person for doing sexual things? That is probably one of the things that is activating your anxiety. If you think being sexual is about you being bad, then you'll already have general anxiety around sex, but all the more so around something, like a pregnancy, that then would "expose" you to people as having been sexual.

We absolutely do not believe that people are "bad" for being sexual with other people. That's been common, typical behaviour for human beings for as long as there have been human beings. Sexuality is a part of us that's just in there, neither good nor bad on its own, like our imagination is just in there, or our lungs are just in there. We can certainly express our sexuality in behaviours that are or aren't healthy for us or others, are harmless or harmful, or that can create outcomes or consequences that are wanted or unwanted. If we want to know if we are being ethical in our sexual behaviour, the questions isn't if being sexual is good or bad, but if the WAY we are being sexual is ethical per our own values or some other system of values.