so i have been using the term bisexual for myself for a bit now, but i find i feel so off whenever i confront/try to explore the sexual part of my sexuality. like i can fantasize about things just fine for the most part, but when someone i know gets involved i feel weird for thinking abt it and even weirder when i realize i like it tbh. even then, in general i just feel weird when i realize i look at someone and feel turned on or whatever and let my mind wander. but also like after masturbating i just kinda feel gross and whenever thinking about anything sexual i feel this gross feeling in the back of my mind and idk what to do about it. i find myself wishing i had a partner to explore this stuff with but im so scared of any kind of intimacy and commitment due to several issues with previous relationships—of all kinds not just romantic ones—i dont know how i would feel if i were to actually like do anything, and im almost scared of this part of me. i thought i was aroace but after reflecting on my one previous relationship (which i identified as ace during) i came to the conclusion i was bi. even during that relationship I remember my ex kissing my neck and him telling me how red i was after, how i just couldn’t help but stare at the ceiling, how surprised i was when i seemed to get turned on and where my brain wandered—and even now i think i had a crush I remember freaking out when i ended up having sexual thoughts about her, despite how vague they were, and also how i kinda liked it. i just dont know what to do. i dont know if this is just internalized stuff or what and im just so,,,bleugh yk? i just really need some advice
again sorry if this isnt the right place for this but I appreciate anyone who reads this
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