Am I masturbating correctly?

[Cookiemonster]

Ok hi this is my first time on her and I’m very sorry if I’m not exactly using it right, but I am very confused. When I usually masturbate I put my stomach flat on my bed and rub against my hand. It feels really good but only for a short while and then I’ll have a short little orgasm( with no excretion) and then it will be over and all of sudden my body won’t be ready to do anything else. It will like shut down almost and if I try to keep going I won’t feel anything like I did before.
I have also tried fingering and I don’t think it is for me, but I also want it to be. Sometimes I will be really wet but I’ve only been able to put two fingers in and it won’t even feel good. Sometimes I start out like how I explained in the beginning and then try to switch to this but it won’t feel good. I also have a ton of shame when me and my friends talk about masturbating, because they always do it that way so I just lie and say I do it that way too. I am embarrassed because I feel like I’m doing it wrong.
So my questions are how do I know if I’m actually having an orgasm and how do I make fingering feel good for myself. I am also curious to how sex is going to work for me since I don’t like fingering myself.

[Sam W]

Hi Cookiemonster,

The good news is there isn't really a "wrong" way to masturbate; there's just the way (or ways) that feel best to each person. It sounds like how you're doing it currently feels good to you, so there's no need to switch to inserting your fingers, especially if inserting them doesn't feel like much, just to try and fit some specific image of masturbation. Does that make sense?

Too, it sounds like you may be having an orgasm. It's tricky to say, both because I'm not the one experiencing it, and because orgasms can be kind of hard to describe. If you look at the description of orgasm in this piece, does it seem to match with some of what you experience? Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide.

If by excretion you mean ejaculation (or "squirting"), it might help to know that ejaculation isn't automatically part of orgasm, so the lack of it doesn't mean you're not reaching orgasm.

As for how sex will feel good if you don't enjoy fingering, there are a few different answers to that. One is that things that feel pretty dull to us when we're alone can suddenly feel good with a partner due to the emotional and mental elements of arousal. Another is that being sexual with another person doesn't have to involve inserting anything into the vaginal canal if we don't want it to; there are plenty of ways to be sexual together that don't involve that.