Masturbating with a vulva and autism

[GenderGay]

When I try to finger myself, inserting my fingers inside me feels like touching my eyeball but without the burning and worse. I don’t usually finger myself, I’ve never been able to orgasm from touching- usually i put a pillow between my legs and rub against that. But when I’m feeling really aroused and “wet” I sometimes want to try something new and well- I try it, and it doesn’t feel good so I stop, but it seems weird to me because all the depictions of masterbating with vulvas I’ve seen- not just porn btw, primarily not porn actually, involve like vibrators and fingering or playing with your clit, and I just can’t get off on that. I’ve tried a vibrator before (I just found that overstimulating actually, and I tried two different vibrators), I’ve tried masturbating by touching myself, is it weird it doesn’t work for me? Why might I have problems with it? And is it normal for putting finger inside to feel like touching your eyeball? Is it supposed to feel like that?

I’m also autistic and today I started wondering if that could have to do with it- I tried figuring my anus with lube and omg it felt so good but I got so frustrated and couldn’t orgasm. It felt like I needed to move my legs- which is hard to do when your finger is in your ass so anything you do impacts that. Is it normal for autistic ppl to need to do extra or specific stimming in order to orgasm? Could the reason I can’t orgasm the way most people seem to have to do with this?

[Sam W]

Hi GenderGay,

It's entirely possible autism and sensory needs are playing a role here! I know I've spoken with people before who find the feeling of their genitals unpleasant, and in some cases that's been because it's just not a good sensory experience for them in ways that seem to be tied to autism. I will also say there are plenty of people who find that they reach orgasm only, or more consistently, from rubbing or grinding on things rather than from using their fingers.

Too, at a certain point, whether or not this is a common experience matters less than the fact that it's YOUR experience. So if what feels best is anal play, or grinding on things, there's no reason not to just focus on those during masturbation, rather than on trying things that you know from experience just do not feel good to you. Does that make sense?