Sex questions

[Amazingstar344]

So I am new to this community. But I’ve been desperately searching for answers. So I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now we both lost our virginity to each other but the thing is I’ve never been aroused with him we have been using lube and at some moments it feels great but most times I don’t feel anything. I find him attractive before we started seeing each other we were over the phone and we would have phone sex the phone sex turns me on even seeing videos that we make together now turns me on but when I am around him I just can’t get wet or aroused. I have sexual trauma from the past we talked about that and we think that may be an issue but I can get turned on but just not with him physically with me. It was like that with other people before him as well when I would try to do sexual things. I am searching up natural remedies to get my libido up and increase wetness and everything. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me it’s not him thought.

[Willa]

Hi Amazingstar344, welcome to the boards!

To start, it is totally normal to experience varied amounts of arousal after something like sexual trauma. There is nothing wrong with you, it is just your body processing how to feel safe again after the violation of consent and safety. I am very sorry this happened to you and want to say that healing is possible.

One option is to pause sex with your boyfriend for the moment to work on seeing what feels good for you. Sometimes sex can feel like a lot of pressure to feel one way or another, especially with someone we care about. One option is to try what made you feel good before, talking to each other sexually without touching each other, similar to when you spoke on the phone. This could be a useful way to take things slow and create a more relaxing, arousing environment together without expectation. Does this feel like something you could try with your boyfriend?

I can also link some sources that talk more about sex after experiencing sexual trauma for you to look over:
https://www.scarleteen.com/read/abuse/n ... nd-assault
https://www.scarleteen.com/read/abuse/l ... after-rape