Concern

[Skybushh]

Hello. I, was hoping I would be able to figure things out myself but. All I’ve been able to do is figure out the problem. Which I guess is a step in itself. I love my partner. I really want to stay with them, as long as I can. We, haven’t always had it easy. It’s been a lot of work. But we love each other. I know that. Ever since the beginning I realized I never felt like I deserved her. And even now, after years I can never stop thinking about the mistakes I’ve made. Or the mistakes I might have made. I’m, learning to be kinder to myself. And she taught me that I’m still a good person so long as I keep learning. And I hold on to that, everyday. I do, keep learning. But I can never stop thinking about everything I did wrong. I can never stop thinking about how I don’t deserve her. How I’ve messed up with her. And it only gets worse when things are going well. I realize that I create this pattern for myself. Where I never feel like enough because it’s all I tell myself. I don’t, end up being who I want to be because I can’t let go of who I was. And I’m tired of it. I just. Want to be happy with her. I don’t know. How to stop sabotaging myself though. I guess I’m looking for, a way out.

[CaitlinEve]

Hi Skybushh,

That sounds really frustrating and I’m sorry you have to go through that. Sometimes your mind is your biggest enemy but messing up is human! I wish there was something I could tell you that would automatically fix the self-sabotaging, but as you know it’s a long process. Maybe you could send your partner this post or some of what you talked about in it and talk with her about your concerns? I know you mentioned that she’s reassured you before but bottling these feelings up instead of communicating them with each other could be harmful. Try to trust that she can make the decision for herself whether or not you deserve her because it’s her life too and she’s choosing to spend it with you here and now!

What can we do to support you? Would you be interested in resources or are you just looking for a place to vent and be heard? Let us know!

[Skybushh]

I guess I’m wondering what I should do. When I get those thoughts that. Tell me I don’t deserve my relationship. I have talked with my partner about it, and they’re a big help. I still find myself struggling though. I wish I knew why.

[Sam W]

Hi Skybushh,

I think this goes back to the issue of their being some deeper things around mental health, self-worth, and negative self talk that are best addressed with a therapist. In your sessions with them, have the two of you ever discussed specific things to do or try when you notice negative self talk (be that around your relationship or something else)?