Boyfriend can't make me orgasm like when I masturbate

[Anika]

I(afab17) have been with my boyfriend(amab18) for a while now and we've been getting intimate. We haven't begun having intercourse since he's waiting for me to turn 18, but I've given him a hand job and he's tried to give me clit stimulation; however, when he tries, he can only get me incredibly wet. Like, I think I'm horny, but for some reason he can't make me orgasm. I love him very much and I want to be able to orgasm with him. I've read women are supposed to get the most stimulation directly on the clit, but if he can't make me orgasm there am I going to have trouble during intercourse later? I can make myself orgasm fine when I masturbate, so I don't know what's wrong

[Sam W]

Hi Anika,

While it's true that a lot of people find clitoral stimulation pleasurable or to be what helps them reach orgasm, there aren't really any "supposed tos" when it comes to bodies and pleasure. What does and does not feel good to each of us is incredibly varied, so it helps to focus more on what's actually happening in our bodies during sex rather than what we've been told should happen.

There are also a few other things you could try here. One would be to think about whether there's a difference in angle, speed, pressure, etc, between when you masturbate and when he performs manual sex on you. In other words, are there specific things you do when you masturbate that you two haven't tried together. Too, if you want to reach orgasm when you two are together, masturbation while he does something else is an option. It may also help to think about why it's important to you that you orgasm when you're with him; sometimes we can want things to go a certain way during sex so intensely it ends up making it harder for us to enjoy what's going on.

[Anika]

I've tried a few different things, like trying to keep his fingers in a certain locale, lifting my head a little, and variations in speed. I could try to do it in different positions. Usually, he lays next to me and I'm on my back. Do you have any suggestions for position? I've noticed that I feel a little more stimulation when he's hard and we're hip to hip....

[Sam W]

I don't really have any specific suggestions for positions, in part because what feels good, bad, or even just comfortable to one body may feel a completely different way to another one. But, if you've noticed that there are positions you enjoy more, or where the stimulation is closer to how if feels when you masturbate, then it might make sense to try being in that position when he's performing manual sex on you.