(TW: topic of SA and r@pe) i think i may have been assaulted but im not sure

[Alliea]

ok so this post is gonna sound legit crazy, but i need help with figuring out if this actually happened or not because it actually feels like a dream

so just for context before i start i wanna say that i have been SA'd before but not by the same person

anyway so just recently my stepmoms grandparents came to visit (im 19 and still living with my parents while im in collage) because my parents were going to Europe with their friends so they came to help, and my parents dont know but ive always had this uneasy feeling.... (for lack of a better term id say dread) when im around my step moms dad- jeff (not his real name for privacy reasons) and they have been in my life since i was five years old but whenever i try to think of any memories involving him i can only think of one and even then what i can remember is really hazy which is him unlocking the bathroom door when i was about to get in the shower and opening it then walking into the bathroom, but thats all i can remember

but while they were here i always felt that feeling around him but about three days after my parents left so it was just me, Jeff and his wife, and my little brother, but for about three days everything is fine then i go to bed, (for some context i take about 15 grams of trazodone and 10 grams of melatonin to help me sleep and that stuff knocks me out)

so i go to bed that night then at around 3 in the morning i wake up to jeff walking out of my room and i feel some pain in my pelvic area... which i know should seem obvious that something happened but because of my medicine i was half asleep and in a daze so it felt more like a dream then reality.

the next day i wake up and the pain is still kinda there but its more dull and not as intense as when i woke up to Jeff walking out, i go into the bathroom and i see bruises on my thighs that weren't there the night before. but i go downstairs and finally work up the guts to ask if he was in my room but he says no.... and thats where this gets tricky because he then proceeds to gaslight his wife into thinking that he didn't do anything and that he didn't do anything but to me he seemed incredibly guilty. but i dont know if im just paranoid because hes done something suspicious to me before or im just downright crazy

anyway i guess the point of this post is to ask if
1: it is a possibility that it happened
2: if it is a possibly how do i know for sure
3: what should i do because if i tell my mom shes not gonna believe me because it's her father

[Sam W]

Hi Alliea,

Is this person still staying with you right now? I ask because, from what you're describing, it sounds very likely that he did choose to assault you in your sleep, and if that's the case then the step that needs to be prioritized is finding you some place to sleep where he won't have access to you. Your safety is the most important thing, and I'm so, so sorry someone in your life chose to violate it in this way. You deserve to feel safe and protected in your own bed.

The reason I'm leaning toward the answer being "yes, he assaulted you" is because, even with the fact that your medication makes things feel drowsy and dreamlike, you have physical evidence that something happened in the middle of the night; pain in your pelvic area that was severe enough to still be there when you woke up, and bruises. Unless you did something like fall off the bed, which I'm guessing you'd have noticed and mentioned, there's not really a way for those to have gotten there that doesn't involve another person. Can you give me a sense of how recently this happened? There may also be an option to do a sexual assault exam with a nurse that could help you feel like you have more concrete evidence of what happened.

Let's start with those steps, and how you're feeling given everything I just said. We can for sure help you figure out how to talk about this with your mom, but I want to pause to see how you're doing.

(Also, your profile lists you as being 15. Can you clarify for me whether that or the age you give in the post is accurate?)

[Alliea]

with the age thing, i am 19 but i put the wrong year in when making the profile and i didn't notice until i had made the account and i couldn't figure out how to change it, thats why i put my age in the post

as for how long ago this happened it would be about six weeks

[Jacob]

Hi Allea,

Just picking up where you left off with Sam. I'd say the instincts you have about what happened are more than worth paying attention to in addition to the bruising you found. I am so sorry this is something you're having to think about and process at all. How are you feeling?

You mentioned worrying about your mom's reaction, but it sounds like you would still like to tell her? I don't think we can say what her reaction would be, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her, nor that it wouldn't be helpful to have told someone. It'd also be completely understandable not to feel ready to.

Who else do you have for support right now? This can be a difficult thing to come to terms with on your own.

Also, is there any other help you'd like from us? For example, help in finding local support services or making a report?

P.S. I can update your birthdate on your profile, no problem.