I hate myself because of my fetish and I’m scared I’ll never find love :(

[Malla_Fluff]

I’m terrified I’ll never find a partner or love

I (female) have a very weird kink/fetish, and I hate it. I hate it so much. I’ve had it since I was little, and I can’t help it. Since I was younger, I had always had a fascination with bellies, but I never knew it was a sexual thing. Then when I got a bit older, I became obsessed with belly things, and began to jerk off to belly kink stuff. I eventually found out my fetish can be called safe vore/or just an extreme belly kink. I’m attracted to a specific thing about the kink, the belly, not as much the actual eating someone part? Just them being in the belly, making it big, moving around inside without being hurt, or hurting anybody. Basically, I get extremely turned on by art/stories of someone being inside someone else’s stomach. Kinda like pregnancy I guess? But also definitely not. The sight of big/lumpy belly, knowing someone’s moving around inside arouses me so much. I hate it. My mind cringes, and hates this, but my body reacts to it. I can barely get off to anything else. That’s it. That’s the fetish. Big bellies, movement, and someone just being inside of a belly. It’s a completely fantasy fetish, not possibly in real life, and I wouldn’t even want it to be possible. It’s just something I look at to get off. I started to accept this about myself. Okay. I have a weird fetish. That’s fine. I’m not hurting anyone. But… then I realized that I might be unloveable. I would love to get married to a boy when I’m older, have kids, live a happy life. But I have this weird kink that nobody will probably ever understand, and I’m not a hot, outgoing girl. Even in communities that are supposed to understand me, I feel like I don’t fit in. I don’t want to be unloveable. I want to have a partner someday, a family, someone who loves me. But who would be into belly stuff like this? It’s just something I need in order to jerk off to, I don’t need a partner to like it as well. I just… don’t want to be alone forever, or seen as unlovable. I want to be loved. I wish I didn’t have this fetish, but I can’t help it. I didn’t choose it. I just want to be able to be loved by someone, to have a future partner, someone who won’t hate me for this. Is this even possible? Why do I have such a weird fetish? Am I doomed? It doesn’t make sense. Because I want a future partner to understand, but I don’t want to actually engage in vore stuff with them. But then… how am I supposed to get off? Am I doomed?

[CaitlinEve]

Hey Malla_Fluff,

You are NOT doomed! Your kink is not an uncommon one; the nice thing about human nature is that pretty much any kink you can have is one that other people have as well. That doesn't mean that it's odd for you to be feeling self-conscious about it though; that is totally valid! I'm glad to hear that you've started accepting yourself and your kink, I know it can be hard! Having this kink absolutely does *not* mean you are unloveable. It does mean that you may have to learn what works best for you regarding communication in any future relationships. A lot of it is trial and error; there is no one right way to go about relationships with kinks and what works for one person may not work for you. This article, Working the Kinks Out, may help you with this specifically.

[Sam W]

Hi Malla_Fluff,

In addition to everything CaitlinEve said, I want to note two other things. One is that we can have a sexual preference, or a thing that we really, really enjoy fantasizing about and engage with a lot during masturbation that ends up never making an appearance during partnered sex. People can, and do, choose not to bring a thing they otherwise enjoy into partnered sex for all sorts of reasons; a partner may not be into it, it may not be physically possible, or they may realize that they ONLY want to engage with it as fantasy, rather than as any kind of real activity. So, if this is something you'd never be comfortable bringing to a partner? That's okay.

The other thing I want to note is that, while it might feel like this particular interest is going to be the center of your sexual world, that's one of those things that's really, really hard to predict, especially when you're 16 and thus have only had a few years at most of starting to really engage with and understand sexual preferences as a thing. Trying to picture what your sexuality as it is now will mean five, ten, or more years from now is sort of borrowing trouble, you know?

[thelabrat90]

I also wanna add... there are literally entire communities around kinks. And in those communities there are so many loving, committed partnerships. Like, you don't need to tell your future partner or engage in vore with them! But the stuff you do in the privacy of solo sex is FINE. Also, considering how you feel really cringe about it, here's empathy from someone who doesn't have a safe vote kink but I can get why it's appealing. Someone being consumed so totally but not getting hurt, its a surrender and really physical example of bodies melding together, and its fascinating to see a whole ass person be in another persons stomach. Its not like its a concept totally unrooted in reality: we are grown in stomachs. This isn't to say there's a childbearing element to your kink, but like, stomachs are a big part of society when you think about it. Again, I don't know the exact reaon you enjoy this kink, maybe I'm completely off-mark! But you're really treating yourself like a unique freak that's made unloveable when again, I don't even possess this kink but I can generally understand several reasons where it might come from. Bdcausd I have an open mind. And if you have a future partner who doesn't have an open mind? Throw him in the trash. You don't even need to tell him about your kink, since its mostly solo sex, but in general, close-minded people will make you miserable. Also, it's not like its a huge part of your personality, like you said! You seem to view it as a tainting force, but I promise you having a fetish doesn't annihilate all the good parts of your personality despite what your shame says. In the adult cartoon Tuca and Bertie, Bertie and Speckle are that domestic, sweet couple you crave to be in the future. And guess what? Bertie struggles with shame around dub-con fantasies as a coping mechanism around her sexual assault, and when she talks about it with Speckle, he's understanding and he mentions his own bakers kink, and how he was initially excited when he learned Bertie was a baker. There's a little joke where he trails off "you can bake my weenie in dough..." but he gets embarrassed and doesn't finish it.

Bertie is an anxious, people-pleasing woman who loves baking but quit her business because criticism was stressful. Speckle is literally joked in the show about being the perfect guy, emotionally mature, stable, hardworking, silly, even-tempered, and an architect. Their kinks don't define them. Plenty of guys will be into you even if you decide to tell them you're into vore. Maybe they think you're hot or kind or they're just amazed at your creativity and passion you have about a very specific movie or a very widely loved one but to them you have a cooler, specific perspective. There are a million things that exist in you, that guys can be into. If they think you're disgusting for a single kink that you enjoy during solo sex? they're probably filled with shame like you, and you don't need someone who imposes the same judgments you already put on yourself. You need someone who goes "Oh that's cool" if you tell them, and moves on. They might not understand why you enjoy it, but they do understand kinks are common and none of us know why we tick a certain way