i thought i didn't like him but now that i lost him it hurts

[fresariver]

Hello! I had been talking to this boy for about a month and a half and everything was good. He had like a lot of family issues and past trauma so he wasn't exactly in the best spot. I thought it would be okay, I myself struggle with some things and I figured that together we could move forward and better each other. Unfortunately this was not the case and his communication skills were really bad. Whenever something was wrong he would shut everyone out, including me, until I was nearly begging him to open up. We argued some over this (over messages, which will be important in a second) and he said he'd change and that he would try, but it just kept happening. So this morning before class I decided to try and talk to him about it in person. Like every other time, he shut down. I would say something, tell him what was bothering me and then be quiet to wait for a reply and he would never give me one. So then I would speak up again and wait for another reply and it would never come. Thirty minutes went by like this and the only thing I got out of him the entire time was two "I'm sorry"s. Those are the ONLY words he told me throughout the entire time, otherwise he stayed quiet. I gave him so many chances to say somethi bc I was practically begging him, asking over and over, "can you say something?" "are you going to say something?" In the end he checked the time and said it was time for us to go to class before we're late. I didn't say anything and got out of his truck and got in my car and just drove myself home.

He ended up texting me a few hours later and we argued some, he said how it was hard for him to open up in person blah blah blah. I understood this but was a simple "I don't want to talk about it" really that hard for him to tell me? He apologized but it was more like "I'm sorry that I'm not good enough, I'm sorry I'm such a terrible person, you deserve better" like kind of guilt trippy and less about the fact that he hurt me. I ended things with him shortly after and offered to be friends after we gave each other space. So now we're just not talking or texting or doing anything and keeping space.

The thing is I'm MISERABLE. When I got home after him and I argued, I cried, I went to bed and as soon as I woke up and remembered what happened I started sobbing. The entire day I spent sobbing and then (he's my coworker YAY ) when I saw him at work I wanted to cry more. I ended up clocking out after my shift and just sat in my car and cried even more. I really didn't think I would react this way because I had been questioning my attraction to him for a while and at one point I even decided that maybe I didn't even like him at all so now I'm like ???

I just really don't know, I thought I didn't like him romantically but I guess I was wrong?? Any reply or tips on how to get over this would help. I don't even know if I'm in the right in this or not, I think I am but my coworkers say I'm not and that I should've talked it out but I did and he didn't reply??? I don't know.

[KierC]

Hey there Fresariver,

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling down after your breakup, and that your coworkers were telling you you’re in the wrong. To be honest with you, nobody is “in the wrong” here, including you: it sounds like you gave him *so* many opportunities to talk, and it sounds like he didn’t take you up on any opportunity to talk unless it was in text (not the clearest way to communicate). So, if it were me, I’d move forward with the knowledge that trying to talk through this again may just produce the same results, you know?

It’s okay to feel how you feel about this, and it’s okay to cry. Breaking up with another person can feel really heavy and sad, regardless of how the actual relationship was. Sometimes there’s a mourning process for what you *wanted* the relationship to be: more openly communicative in person, for example, and it can be important to remember that while you may have lost the relationship with this particular person, you haven’t lost the ability to have the relationship you want with someone in the future. Know what I mean?

We have a resource to start, called Getting Through A Breakup Without Actually Breaking that might be helpful for you to go through as you process your breakup. Reading through this, if you think of any more support that might help you right now, we’re happy to help you further.

[fresariver]

Hello thank you so much for the reply! I read the article and it he somereally good tips and really helped me navigate my emotions. For now I'm just going to focus on myself and try and fix the way things ended with him just so we don't end on bad terms. Thank you again!

[KierC]

You are so welcome! I’m glad that article helped, too. If you need any support as you’re going through this, we’re here for you.