Why do some people act like it's so easy to get dates?
Posted: Sat Oct 26, 2024 2:07 pm
A few different folks recently have asked me whether I'm dating anyone. When I've said no (and it's not for lack of wanting to), a couple of them replied with some version of, well why not. To which I guess I have some ideas. For one reason or another, the apps just haven't worked for me (cue anxiety about my appearance, how I look in pictures, et cetera). So, the obvious progression would be, put myself in situations to meet new people (seems like a basic enough recipe: be around new people, and interact with them). I don't feel like I do this enough, so that is something I need to work at. But I'm also an anxious person and an introvert with a limited social battery, so going out to socialize--especially when I work five days a week--feels like it requires a lot of activation energy. My main friend group right now is my coworkers, which is great, but going out with a group of 10-12 people really doesn't feel the most conducive to trying to meet new people (especially when I'm a straight male and they're mostly female--I know they're supportive of me, but it would still feel kind of uncomfortable trying to chat up a girl in front of them). And in situations where I go somewhere myself or get invited to a gathering by a friend, there's an underlying anxiety about, am I doing this right? is this what I'm supposed to be doing to meet people? who do I talk to?
It's starting to really become a sore spot when people ask me about my love life, and I feel like it's making me more ill at ease with my single-ness. So, I guess I'm partly wondering how I should put myself out there more without getting too anxious, but also how to handle these feelings of uneasiness about the fact that it feels so overwhelming to try and get dates.
It's starting to really become a sore spot when people ask me about my love life, and I feel like it's making me more ill at ease with my single-ness. So, I guess I'm partly wondering how I should put myself out there more without getting too anxious, but also how to handle these feelings of uneasiness about the fact that it feels so overwhelming to try and get dates.