Difficulty masturbating

[Lixiephantom]

Hi I’m having difficulty masturbating I don’t know how to describe it I know exactly what I like and have no issues when my partner is doing anything sexual to me like fingering or playing with my clit but I can’t do it myself it just feels weird to me like I shouldn’t/can’t do it I don’t feel any pleasure at all when I try i only feel anything if my partner does it


Can anyone suggest any solutions or advice greatly appreciated

[Jacob]

Hi Lixie!

I think a good question to start with is what is motivating you to want to masturbate?

Then you'll want to ask yourself where that "feels weird" and "shouldn't/can't" feelings are coming from?

I'd say the more negative feeling is probably limiting how pleasurable it can be for you physically right now, as feelings of fear and anxiety are going to make us tense up.

Generally masturbation is something to approach with relaxation and self-care in mind and needs to be something which feels safe to explore, if it's going to be enjoyable. So if we can find some understanding and maybe some kind of compromise between the answers of those two questions that'd be a great place to start!

[Lixiephantom]

I can’t see my partner often and the need after not seeing each other for a while is difficult to fulfill.

The feeling of it being weird or that I shouldn’t I can only describe as it feels like it’s wrong for me to masurbate like I don’t deserve relief but I have always struggled with my self esteem and image

[Jacob]

The first thing sounds pretty positive, it sounds like partnered sex has reconnected you with the urge to feel pleasured, which is a good thing! That's the part you're trying to build on. It's just that the idea that you have a right to that feel pleasure is hard to absorb, and act upon without stress getting in the way.

How about trying to answer these three things:

1. Why do you think you don't deserve relief?
2. If this wasn't about you, what reasons do you think are needed for anyone to deserve pleasure?
3. Why wouldn't those reasons apply to you?

And lets see if there's anything in those answers that can help us?

Also, as a side-note:

You do actually deserve it, but also you don't need to deserve it to have it! Pleasure isn't like a finite world resource which we somehow have to ration and distribute, so remember it's not like you're depriving anyone else of pleasure when you masturbate, this is one of the few things in on earth where we do actually have an infinite supply!