can’t reach orgasm

[sjdudicjejem]

so I have been trying to masturbate for awhile now. I first tried using my fingers but it didn’t feel good to put them in I found that rubbing my clit around feels good but I can’t reach one. I don’t know how i’m supposed to reach orgasm i’ve read some of the stuff on here but I can’t figure out how. I will get really close and maybe my legs are shaking or smth that sounds stupid but then it just stops. like I can’t get farther than that. also i’m a virgin if that matters? I don’t think it does. do you have any advice for me?

[Latha]

Hi Sjdudicjejem, welcome to the boards!

Don’t worry, nothing you’ve said sounds stupid. You’re not the first person to describe a sense that pleasure just stops, and that you can’t seem to orgasm. The good news is that there are ways around this.

I know you’ve said that you’ve read some stuff on here. Have you had the chance to read this article?: How To Have Your First Orgasm: A Primer for Cisgender Women
I think it’s a good guide to the steps you can take here. If you have read it, would you tell us what you think?

also i’m a virgin if that matters? I don’t think it does.

You’re right. While having experience and knowing more about your body can make it easier to orgasm, being a virgin isn’t preventing you from doing so.

[sjdudicjejem]

okay so I reread the article and when I masturbate I can’t fantasize about doing anything with anyone. I try to but I guess I can’t imagine it? I don’t know. how do I think about that kind of thing? I don’t really know ‘what’ to think of.

[Ro S]

Hey there Sjdudicjejem,

I would say that there isn't one thing to think of that will do the trick for everybody. It's about getting to know yourself and the things that you get aroused by. In the article Latha shared, number 3 talks about fantasy as allowing yourself to just explore. Sexual fantasy can just look like letting your mind roam (free of judgement) and entertain things that feel arousing/exciting! As suggested in that article, you can explore sexual media for some inspiration and see what interests you and gets you to feel aroused in the body. Does this feel like a good next step for you as you're trying to image things during masturbation?

Lastly, I know that you may be feeling a lot of desire to orgasm and that's normal. I have found that orgasms happen when we allow ourselves to let go rather than push ourselves into reaching that "goal". If anything, when we become too focused on orgasm as the goal, it actually deters us from getting there. I would recommend exploring fantasy and what feels good and allow that to be the thing you focus on rather than the ideas of how close or likely you are to orgasm. Does this make sense?

[sjdudicjejem]

Okay thank you! Yeah that makes sense I will try that. Thank you for responding to me and helping me out