No feeling down there

[Ilovegoths]

Hello, first time posting something so very confused on if I’m doing anything right but I’ve got a problem in which I can not feel anything positive when doing any form of sexual activity.
Firstly, when I try masterbating, the feeling is no different from just touching myself usually and no matter what I do, I just can’t get into it enough to actually feel anything. This problem isn’t just mine though, even though I’m aroused by any partner I have, when I get fingered I just don’t feel anything special, same goes for receiving head.

Furthermore my first time having sex was extremely painful and I didn’t feel anything and every other time following it still hurts and I still can’t feel any pleasure out of it at all giving me a whole new problem of being really put off sex as it hurts a lot as well as just being a waste of time, I bring this up just because it’s really disappointing coming from someone like myself who was really excited to experience ‘what the whole rave was about’ come to find out there’s no rave

Anyways that’s the problem I’m just hoping people have any idea as to why any of the problems are occurring or can relate to me.

[Jacob]

Hi Ilovegoths!

I'm so sorry you've been going through this... and the very first thing I'd suggest is that being "put off" intercourse is not a bad thing to push back against, but rather a very revealing instinct that is very worth listening to.

So, I'd stop all painful and uncomfortable sex right away. Continuing to experience sex that way is not only going to stand in the way of finding was that are enjoyable but more importantly, you don't deserve to be going through anything that is painful and unpleasant.

Enjoyment and pleasure are going to come down to being able to listen to your body, and communicate with your partners, so we should start as soon as possible responding to the negative sensations. Then if and when you feel comfortable you could start exploring what feels good...

How would you feel about stopping with the intercourse, maybe stopping with the manual sex too, and communicating your discomfort and need to take it back to zero with your partner(s)?

[Heather]

I also wanted to poke my head in here and ask you to maybe describe what arousal feels like for you? Is it emotional as well as physical? Is it what you'd describe as super turned on, or just like...kind of turned on? I'm just curious about what level of arousal this is still happening (or not happening, as the case may be) with. And what are those relationships and interactions like? Have your partners also been very excited and into things, including exploring your whole body and your sexuality and connection as a whole, or has it felt more like a straight-to-genital situation, and/or scenarios where the other person only seems so excited and curious?

My second curiosity is about if this is true for touch with the rest of your body, or if it's only about genital sex. For instance, how does a wanted, excited makeout session feel? What about full-body massage from someone who excites you?