My mom started pushing down on my stomach
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DemiKitten
- not a newbie
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- Joined: Sat May 31, 2025 1:43 pm
- Age: 22
- Awesomeness Quotient: I am a artist
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: They/them
- Sexual identity: Bi and omni
- Location: California
My mom started pushing down on my stomach
I was bloating due to ovulation and ibs..I have ibs-c and sometimes I bloat so hard that I look pregnant. I was trying on a dress for a funeral last night and my mom started pushing down hard on my stomach asking "what's wrong with it? Why does it look like that?" ..I'm 5'7 and 135 lbs..I'm not overweight..its just..I had to stop myself from bursting into a river of tears last night. I already feel so ugly from being on ovulation..I hung out with my bf that day..drank coffee and ate red meat(allergic ish) and blew up like a balloon...Now my mom is urging me to exercise more..I'm trying I barely exercise bc my migraines are so insanely horrible I cant open my eyes for a long time sometimes..I just feel so emotional, fat, and ugly. I told my therapist and she said what my mom did was emotional abuse..I dont know..I'm just so upset
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Anya
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Mon Jun 10, 2024 4:23 pm
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- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: Pansexual
- Location: UK
Re: My mom started pushing down on my stomach
Hey DemiKitten,
That sounds really overwhelming. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I can understand completely why you might be upset by your mom's questions or asks of you. As someone with a mom who also used to question my body and choices, making me feel pretty bad for just being me, I can certainly empathize with the violation of crossed boundaries and pressure you may be feeling around this. Has speaking with your therapist helped you navigate the situation at all? And if not, can you think of anything to do in or out of session that might be more helpful?
Separately, do you feel comfortable telling your mom that you don't like the way she has been treating you? I know that's not always possible depending on living situations or other factors, but if you are able to let her know that you do not appreciate that, or that it makes you feel uncomfortable, I think that could be a very beneficial thing to try.
It can also be a very confusing and complicated thing to hear your experiences put in boxes that other people decided for you. How did it feel to hear your therapist voice the concern that your mother's behavior might have been emotionally abusive? And is that youre willing to bring up with your therapist? It's always okay to question remarks like that or ask why exactly someone would designate your experience as such if it's upsetting or confusing. Learning more about why they might have said that could help your own understanding of the situation. Does that make sense?
In the meantime, here are a few articles of ours that I recommend. I found the first personally really helpful in dealing with these kinds of issues, and the second talks about a resource I love a lot, The Body Is Not An Apology.
Unlearning Unlovability
Sexuality In Color: The Body Is Not An Apology
That sounds really overwhelming. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I can understand completely why you might be upset by your mom's questions or asks of you. As someone with a mom who also used to question my body and choices, making me feel pretty bad for just being me, I can certainly empathize with the violation of crossed boundaries and pressure you may be feeling around this. Has speaking with your therapist helped you navigate the situation at all? And if not, can you think of anything to do in or out of session that might be more helpful?
Separately, do you feel comfortable telling your mom that you don't like the way she has been treating you? I know that's not always possible depending on living situations or other factors, but if you are able to let her know that you do not appreciate that, or that it makes you feel uncomfortable, I think that could be a very beneficial thing to try.
It can also be a very confusing and complicated thing to hear your experiences put in boxes that other people decided for you. How did it feel to hear your therapist voice the concern that your mother's behavior might have been emotionally abusive? And is that youre willing to bring up with your therapist? It's always okay to question remarks like that or ask why exactly someone would designate your experience as such if it's upsetting or confusing. Learning more about why they might have said that could help your own understanding of the situation. Does that make sense?
In the meantime, here are a few articles of ours that I recommend. I found the first personally really helpful in dealing with these kinds of issues, and the second talks about a resource I love a lot, The Body Is Not An Apology.
Unlearning Unlovability
Sexuality In Color: The Body Is Not An Apology