First time felt like I was being split open.

[tanusaS]

I just had sex for the first time the other day with my BF of four years. He’s above average in length and girth I believe. About 6 and a half to seven inches in length and 1/2-2 inches in girth. We didn’t have lube so we tried to use spit as one. When he was inside, I felt like I was being split open. He definitely ripped my hymen (I think) but I also felt pain up in my entire vaginal cavity. And when he was fully inside I felt like I was being split open and had a fire lit inside of me. It hurt so so bad. None of my friends who have had sex said that it hurts this bad. Is the pain normal? Especially since both he and I were virgins and he is larger than normal?

[Heather]

Hi there, tanusaS.

So, his size not only sounds basically average to me, the size of someone's penis is rarely the issue when there is pain.

Instead, it's some things that are part of the post here, like:
• Not using actual lubricant. Saliva is usually a terrible lubricant for intercourse. It just doesn't have the kind of slip or ability to last lube made to be lube does, so next time, you'll want to get ahold of some actual, quality lubricant made for sex.
• Experiencing pain but instead of stopping, continuing with intercourse. Pain is our bodies' way of telling us to stop doing something. So, if and when intercourse hurts at the start, you don't want to keep doing it or have a partner go deeper, still. Instead, you want to stop when it hurts and figure out what the issue is. In this case, it sounds like a lack of lube was one, and since this was a first time for you, chances are good that nerves were another, and maybe that you also didn't spend enough time on other sexual activities first to warm your body up and get you as turned on as you could be, which makes a big difference when it comes to the muscles of the vagina relaxing and pulling in, rather than tensing up and kind of pushing against or locking up from your partner's genitals.
• Not being prepared. Things like not being prepared with lubricant and anything else material you might need, not having talked with your partner before this to be sure you both knew what to do if, for instance, either of you experienced pain, and not making sure you both knew to do things like to take plenty of time with other kinds of sex that give you pleasure and get you aroused first can add stress to the whole situation on top of leaving you without essentials. Stress gets in the way of arousal.

If you have already been having periods, your hymen has already eroded at least some (hymens wear away over time rather than tearing like many people believe), and hymens don't tend to rip with sex when it isn't sexual assault or otherwise violent or aggressive. Can I ask why you think you have a hymenal tear?

How are you feeling about this after reading this? Is this something you think you want to try again with your partner, want help talking with him about, or want some other kinds of help and support with? Do you have more questions around it or anything related to it?