OBGYN/gynecologist blues

[char]

I'm not necessarily asking for advice, but any civil response is appreciated since I'm not too sure who to discuss this with irl. Also, there are lots of things discussed here aside from sexual health alone, but I feel like posting it here makes the most sense.

Earlier today on social media, I saw some people discussing whether it is "ethical" for a perisex, cisgender heterosexual men to work as a gynecologist. I personally think it is ethical (anyone can be a gynecologist if they want to!), and that concerns like this often come from people who possess a fatalistic, anti-trans mindset, and most of the comments seem to agree with me. That said, it astounded me that some people responding/reacting to the post seemed to be in disbelief that anyone would be concerned over the gender and sexual orientation of their gynecologist. As someone who lives in a place where misogyny and queerphobia are rampant, I've heard stories in which people have uncomfortable encounters with their gynecologists (regardless of the gynecologist's gender). Additionally, since most people here are religious, many cis women refuse to see a male gynecologist as they aren't part of their family they are allowed to show some parts of their body to (I think this Wikipedia article would better explain this concept as I'm not religious myself). So again, these netizens' confusion/ignorance is... intriguing me, because now I wonder how their experiences with gynecologists are, assuming that the majority of this social media platform's users are from the States. (And yes, I understand that the US is not a monolith, which does beg the question on how privileged(?) they may have been.)

Further, this discussion reminds me of my two experiences with healthcare professionals in regards to sexual health (though none of them are gynecologists per se). My first was through a national hotline that provides info about contraception. I (naively) asked whether tubal ligation was possible for someone in their early 20s, and they told me (in a rather no-nonsense way) that it was impossible to do so here, lest I was married with 2-3 kids and that I got approval from my husband. When I pointed out how this regulation was rather heterocentric (though I did not use this exact term), their reply was somewhat a half-baked apology. The second was when I consulted a GP through a health counseling app about my yeast infection just last year, which I suspected occured due to stress (I had overcome a mental health crisis after getting into trouble at a shitty workplace). I didn't really mention the stress situation (which I guess is something I should've done), and the GP quickly attributed it to humidity due to my "over"weight (I foolishly added my weight info on the app's profile). While the GP ended up prescribing some meds to deal with the yeast infection, their suggestion and advice for me to "keep exercising" left a bitter taste in my mouth. (Fortunately, Scarleteen's article on yeast infection helped me a TON and encouraged me to get medicated, so shout out to y'all for that!!)

Typing these out just makes me.... sad about the state of not just my "homeland", but also the entire world, I guess. There are definitely remarkable progress all over the world, but moments like these remind me that we all still have some learning and unlearning to do.

Thanks for reading :")

[mikky]

Char, I have so many thoughts about this. I have endometriosis, so my gyno is the physician I see most frequently. Right now, I'm reading an amazing book called BLEED: Destroying Myths and Misogyny in Endometriosis Care by Tracy Lindeman. Lindeman does such a good job of explaining the violent history of modern gynecology, and how that shapes our experiences in the patient room today.
For me, it was absolutely crucial that my gynecologist was going to take my pain seriously. There is no guarantee that a woman would do that, but I have had significantly more medical gaslighting and dismissal from cishet male doctors, enough so that my ability to even schedule with a gyno felt tied to seeing someone who wasn't a cis man. I needed someone who would respect that my pain is of greater urgency and importance than my reproductive capacities, who would actually investigate pain and not call me an overreacting, and who would give me agency in my medical decisions. Behold, my beloved gyno and surgeon, who on the first time meeting me gave me the option of surgery. She doesn't bullshit me, doesn't say IUD insertions are painless (and did mine under general anesthesia during surgery), and very importantly doesn't have ego issues. This had not been the case with previous doctors, including another woman OBGYN who told me I was traumatized and sent me away with a birth control prescription that was dangerous given my medical history.

[char]

Hi Mikky! Thank you so much for your reply. I've personally read a book about something similar, though it is more about the general medical discrimination experienced by people perceived as a woman across history. It's called Unwell Women by Elinor Cleghorn, and I also highly recommend it to those curious about this crappy side of medical history. I found both comfort, but also grief, from reading the book and learning that this unfair treatment is unfortunately evergreen. :")

Also, thanks for sharing about your experience with a gynecologist! I'm glad to hear that you eventually have a positive and supportive experience with one.