i’m confused about my identity.

Questions and discussions about gender, gender roles and identity.
frankierolvr
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2025 7:36 pm
Age: 18
Awesomeness Quotient: i’m emo and i skate
Primary language: english !
Pronouns: he/they
Sexual identity: bisexual !
Location: united states

i’m confused about my identity.

Unread post by frankierolvr »

i want to be seen as a boy. i want the name and face of a boy, but i still like feminine aspects and things. i like to wear makeup and i like to wear tiny shorts. can i still do that?. does that make me lesser then other boys? is there a certain label or flag or identity for that that i can find out more about?. :?
mikky
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 192
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2025 11:08 am
Age: 25
Primary language: English
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Pacific North West

Re: i’m confused about my identity.

Unread post by mikky »

frankierolvr, you can literally do whatever you want with gender. If you feel like you need permission, here, I give you permission! I know that labels can feel pretty comforting, but imagine if we could ONLY express ourselves in ways that someone else has already defined.
One of the coolest things about life is that we get to shape who we want to be. Gender identity is so vast and exciting!

Our former co-director wrote this piece back in 2007, but I think it rings true:
Living without Labels

While expressing femininity doesn’t make you or anyone else any lesser of a boy, there is a lot of stigma and often harsh restrictions imposed on gender, and I am sorry to say you might feel that in life.

What would you hope to find in a label or identity?
frankierolvr
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2025 7:36 pm
Age: 18
Awesomeness Quotient: i’m emo and i skate
Primary language: english !
Pronouns: he/they
Sexual identity: bisexual !
Location: united states

Re: i’m confused about my identity.

Unread post by frankierolvr »

i’m afab, so if i look feminine im automatically considered a woman. but if i dress masculine i feel better but im entirely seen as a boy, i just feel like one. but i wish there was something that could have something so people could understand me, so i can understand me. i just want to be less confused 😕
amber
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 103
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2025 7:24 am
Age: 23
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/they
Sexual identity: bisexual
Location: maine

Re: i’m confused about my identity.

Unread post by amber »

Hi frankierolvr,

I hear you that it is difficult to be seen as a woman because you dress feminine. I wish that everyone was open and understood the depth of gender and gender expression.

I also hear you that claiming a label could help people understand you. Like mikky said, labels are really for people to use rather than boxes to fit into. Are there any labels you may like but don't seem 'perfect'? This could be a good place to start exploring what it is you like, and don't like, about different labels and see what fits!
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