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Demystifying my gender

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HelenaDarling
newbie
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:08 pm
Age: 28
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm pretty and good at fashion and beauty
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: lesbian
Location: California

Demystifying my gender

Unread post by HelenaDarling »

I'm a lesbian bio sex female. I'm very feminine. I love everything girly and pretty and nice. Sugar and spice, the whole 9 yards. I take the traditional feminine role in my relationships and usually in sex. But I feel like I should have a penis. I love my body and my breasts and I'm usually pretty happy with my vagina, but for some reason it feels wrong that I don't have a penis. But I feel like a woman. I don't think I'm trans or anything, she/her/hers pronouns feel right to me, although sometimes I like my partners to call me “good boy” and things like that. But I don't think that genital reconstruction surgery would make me happy, since apparently FTM genital transitions don't "work" like a real penis would, and that would just make me feel more insecure and uncomfortable and wrong. I'm just confused. Have you heard of this before? Am I just kinda crazy? Is it just a phase or something? I remember being really fascinated by having a penis even when I was little and would pretend to have one but I dont know, maybe that's just a thing all little girls do? Any insight?
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Demystifying my gender

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Helena,

Ultimately, the only person who can work out/ gets to define your gender is you. And, gender is a really diverse thing, so being a girly girl who likes to be called boy in bed is not somehow out of bounds. It sounds like you've done some reading on trans men, have you done any on the concepts of gender-queer identities, or even drag kings?

(as an aside, there are actually multiple types of bottom surgery that trans guys opt for, each of which has a different look and slightly different was of functioning).
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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