I keep getting turned on by my own gender's objectification

[secretlyhornie]

Hi! I'm 15F. For some context, I got exposed to explicit content at a very young age. So whenever the 'sexual urge' kicks in, I get turned on the most when watching the mainstream male gaze porn that just further screws my view about myself and AFAB body. I consider masterbating properly (which includes touching my genitalia to find the clit) but I feel too nervous and awkward. My point is that I just want a healthier way to explore my sexuality without getting turned on by exploitative content. Please advise me :"(((

[lilikoi]

Hi there secretlyhornie,

Welcome to the boards!

For starters, I really relate to your username. My experience growing up was that I was very uncomfortable with my sexual desire and that I only felt horny in secret. Feeling ashamed of my natural desire made it hard to relate to my own sexual instincts. Do you feel like that relates to you? When we don't know how to relate to our own sexual instincts, we learn how to be sexual, including how to feel aroused, from the mainstream culture. It's no wonder that we are drawn to sexual media that portrays women from a male gaze. But our website has a TON of articles that relate to this. I'll link some below. Also, it sounds like your nerves and awkward feelings might be related to your discomfort feeling horny but I wanna check that I am interpreting that correctly. Is there something else that is making you nervous about masturbation?

How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms
Impurity Culture: Masturbation Is Self-Care
Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation

In terms of sexual media specifically, have you explored content that centers female pleasure? When the sexual urge kicks in, have you tried engaging with it without porn? How does that feel? Another option that works for some people is to write or draw your own erotica to explore your unique fantasies. There are so many ways to tap into your sexual power. A totally different approach that has helped me personally has been to learn more about why the world favors the male gaze by reading feminist scholars. That could be another way you shift your point of view. I will link some articles below that could be a good place to start.

Looking, Lusting and Learning: A Straightforward Look at Pornography
Making Sense of Sexual Media
Bare Bodies: Reality Checking Mainstream Porn
Pussypedia: A Bilingual, Body-Positive, Inclusive Digital Space