I done hecked up (?)

[Sylphe]

• An acquaintance of mine has been causing huge amounts of stress for the past 4 years. They're probably a rapist (not hyperbole, simply that the accusation was made, and based on how bad they are at consent and limits, as well as that people generally don't lie about such things, I believe the accusations), a toxic person to be around (constantly belittling, aggressive, etc), and so forth.
• I finally snapped and made clear how I felt about them. Unfortunately, this was in the form of a drunk / sleep-deprived facebook post.
• Now I feel as though I can't return to that group of people - I've been politely asked to leave the (student) society which is the main source of my interaction with people (social anxiety, combined with chronic joint pain, and a whole shopping list of other conditions make it difficult to leave the house), and the general consensus seems to be that it's my fault for causing "drama".
• I'm now panicking because, whilst I stand by everything I said, and don't regret having said it, I would regret losing contact with people who have made my life basically worth living for the past couple of years. (I'm aware that not attending society events need not involve losing all contact. But mental health conditions don't precisely help with the whole seeing people thing.)

I guess ... the point I'm getting to is that change is scary, and I'm not certain that I can really talk to my friends about this one. Hence y'all. Because pseudonymity helps me to talk, apparently.

Thanks, and I'm sorry if this is off-topic for the boards. It's, again, not having any real place to ~Feel~ at people, and it seemed at least tangentially relevant ...

[Sam W]

Hi Sylphe,

This sounds like a really crappy situation, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. A couple of things come to mind at first. One of them is that, while these folks sound like they and their company were important to you, their actions read (to me anyway) as though you were ultimately less important to them than their need to pretend everything was fine (and less important to them than a person who is a maybe-rapist and bad at boundaries). So, while this sucks now, they may have done you a favor long-term by letting you know if they'd stand by you in tough times.

Secondly, do you know if there were other people who had to leave this group because of this dude or this dynamic? If so, are those people you know/would like to get to know? Or, are there folks who you sense weren't on board with asking you to leave who you could still hang out with outside of the group?

At this point, you may want to start looking for other groups or clubs to hang out with. It can be easiest to start with groups around things that interest you, so keeping an eye out for those might be a good plan (I know that's one of those easier said than done things, but even doing it a little may help you feel less at loose ends)

Edit: It also just occurred to me that you might want to check out a site called "Captain Awkward" as well. The main site is an advice column, but there are also forums, and you might find folks to talk to there as well (not just about this situation, but about interesting or important stuff in general)