feeling ashamed
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holidayfromreal
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feeling ashamed
i feel ashamed due to a kink i have. i won't say a whole lot about it other than that it involves military uniforms, specifically that of a now defunct nation that did a lot of horrible things. it makes me feel gross because of the things this country did. i think i like it so much because i am autistic and this nation is one of my biggest special interests. but idk. sorry if this sounds weird/gross/etc, this is my first time opening up about it anywhere.
dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
Heather
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Re: feeling ashamed
Hi there. Welcome to the boards, and no need to worry about grossing anyone out here.
So, you know, I'm not a big fan of the casual terminology of "kinks," because as a longtime sex educator, I mostly see it confusing people or making them feel bad or stigmatized. That framework of "kinks" also creates a general sexual binary of normal/not-normal that is usually very arbitrary and almost always inaccurate. Often what people mean when they say "kinks" is just a sexual interest, curiosity or like that they, personally, think isn't normal.
People being attracted to people in uniform, of any kind, is pretty common. I hear you saying that you feel distressed about this because this is a specific uniform of a country attached to doing harm.
Can you say some more about what you're worried about with this specific attraction? Are you worried it will cause someone harm? If so, can you say how you think it might do that? Or is it more that it's causing you to feel bad about yourself, and that feeling gross about this is something you are having a hard time processing or managing?
So, you know, I'm not a big fan of the casual terminology of "kinks," because as a longtime sex educator, I mostly see it confusing people or making them feel bad or stigmatized. That framework of "kinks" also creates a general sexual binary of normal/not-normal that is usually very arbitrary and almost always inaccurate. Often what people mean when they say "kinks" is just a sexual interest, curiosity or like that they, personally, think isn't normal.
People being attracted to people in uniform, of any kind, is pretty common. I hear you saying that you feel distressed about this because this is a specific uniform of a country attached to doing harm.
Can you say some more about what you're worried about with this specific attraction? Are you worried it will cause someone harm? If so, can you say how you think it might do that? Or is it more that it's causing you to feel bad about yourself, and that feeling gross about this is something you are having a hard time processing or managing?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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holidayfromreal
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Re: feeling ashamed
tbh i think i'm just scared of it somehow getting out to people i know irl, because none of them would ever understand. also it is making me feel bad about myself a bit, and yes, i have trouble processing/managing it.
dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
holidayfromreal
- not a newbie
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2023 2:40 am
- Age: 16
- Awesomeness Quotient: i'm a good singer :)
- Primary language: en, learning ru & fr
- Pronouns: they/glitch/dream
- Sexual identity: bisexual, non-binary
- Location: minnesota
Re: feeling ashamed
oh also i forgot to mention, i have OCD so that may be contributing to this (i keep obsessing over it)
dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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- Location: Chicago
Re: feeling ashamed
Thanks for filling me in more. I also see the add about you having OCD, thanks for that, too. Is that something you have help with, including a mental healthcare provider you have felt good about working with? Do you currently have a treatment plan for it that feels like it's working for you?
What's in your head is only something you ever have to share with someone you want to. It can't be something other people know unless you expressly share it with them. If you don't ever feel safe or okay sharing it with someone, you don't have to, and no one will ever know about this but you. Ideally, we're all always going to be pretty selective about who we share intimate parts of our sexualities with, because by all means, we're vulnerable in that respect, and not just anyone is able to handle our vulnerable parts well.
Is this all about fantasy -- only something in your head -- or is this something you think you might like to explore in reality? I ask that because that makes a difference in terms of what I'd suggest when it comes to processing how this makes you feel.
What's in your head is only something you ever have to share with someone you want to. It can't be something other people know unless you expressly share it with them. If you don't ever feel safe or okay sharing it with someone, you don't have to, and no one will ever know about this but you. Ideally, we're all always going to be pretty selective about who we share intimate parts of our sexualities with, because by all means, we're vulnerable in that respect, and not just anyone is able to handle our vulnerable parts well.
Is this all about fantasy -- only something in your head -- or is this something you think you might like to explore in reality? I ask that because that makes a difference in terms of what I'd suggest when it comes to processing how this makes you feel.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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holidayfromreal
- not a newbie
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- Location: minnesota
Re: feeling ashamed
yes, i have a great psychiatrist who helps me out, and i am on meds for it 
i would consider maybe exploring it in the future with my bf if i'm ever comfortable enough to discuss it with him and if he's alright with it. but rn it's entirely in my head and i write fanfic involving it to get my feelings out.
i would consider maybe exploring it in the future with my bf if i'm ever comfortable enough to discuss it with him and if he's alright with it. but rn it's entirely in my head and i write fanfic involving it to get my feelings out.dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 10777
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:43 pm
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- Primary language: english
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- Location: Chicago
Re: feeling ashamed
Are you sharing that fanfic publicly? If so, it's sounding to me like that is leaving you feeling too vulnerable, and like it might feel better for you to only write that for yourself.
How do you feel about bringing this up with your psychiatrist?
How do you feel about bringing this up with your psychiatrist?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
holidayfromreal
- not a newbie
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- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2023 2:40 am
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- Primary language: en, learning ru & fr
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- Location: minnesota
Re: feeling ashamed
i don't share any of it. it's all completely private. also i don't really feel super comfortable telling my psychiatrist as i haven't known her for a super long time.
dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 10777
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- Primary language: english
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- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: feeling ashamed
I understand.
How might you feel, perhaps, talking to her about how to manage intrusive thoughts, letting her know that you want help but aren't comfortable yet sharing what those thoughts are? She shouldn't need to know the specifics to help you learn how to manage intrusive thoughts, which is what this -- and a concern other people will somehow find out -- sounds like.
How might you feel, perhaps, talking to her about how to manage intrusive thoughts, letting her know that you want help but aren't comfortable yet sharing what those thoughts are? She shouldn't need to know the specifics to help you learn how to manage intrusive thoughts, which is what this -- and a concern other people will somehow find out -- sounds like.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
holidayfromreal
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Re: feeling ashamed
i think that might be a good idea. however my next session with her is in march. how could i potentially manage this in the meantime?
dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 10777
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- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: feeling ashamed
Can you ask for an earlier session? If so, I'd do that.
If that's not an option, can you tell me a little about how you generally manage your OCD/ Like, even if you don't have a treatment plan for intrusive thoughts, is there anything you do besides medication to manage compulsivity when it crops up for you?
If that's not an option, can you tell me a little about how you generally manage your OCD/ Like, even if you don't have a treatment plan for intrusive thoughts, is there anything you do besides medication to manage compulsivity when it crops up for you?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
holidayfromreal
- not a newbie
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- Primary language: en, learning ru & fr
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- Sexual identity: bisexual, non-binary
- Location: minnesota
Re: feeling ashamed
i cannot 
but typically, i manage it via distraction. i listen to music, play games, watch the big bang theory (my comfort show), text/call my bf if he's available, go down a wikipedia rabbithole, or just hang out with my pets (especially my cats). it's the method that works best for me.
but typically, i manage it via distraction. i listen to music, play games, watch the big bang theory (my comfort show), text/call my bf if he's available, go down a wikipedia rabbithole, or just hang out with my pets (especially my cats). it's the method that works best for me.dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
maille
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Re: feeling ashamed
Hi, holidayfromreal.
I do not have much to add, as I don't have experience having OCD myself. However, I wanted to pop in and see how distraction is going. It sounds like you have a good grip on what can distract you, and knowing yourself that well is really admirable.
Would it be helpful to plan or your next psychiatry session? Maybe we could come up with some talking points.
I do not have much to add, as I don't have experience having OCD myself. However, I wanted to pop in and see how distraction is going. It sounds like you have a good grip on what can distract you, and knowing yourself that well is really admirable.
Would it be helpful to plan or your next psychiatry session? Maybe we could come up with some talking points.
-
Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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Re: feeling ashamed
Is that working for you with this?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
holidayfromreal
- not a newbie
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- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2023 2:40 am
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- Primary language: en, learning ru & fr
- Pronouns: they/glitch/dream
- Sexual identity: bisexual, non-binary
- Location: minnesota
Re: feeling ashamed
dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
holidayfromreal
- not a newbie
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2023 2:40 am
- Age: 16
- Awesomeness Quotient: i'm a good singer :)
- Primary language: en, learning ru & fr
- Pronouns: they/glitch/dream
- Sexual identity: bisexual, non-binary
- Location: minnesota
Re: feeling ashamed
the distraction's working well - i watched some youtube vids abt weird internet mysteries, ate dinner (a burger!), and hung out for a bit with my kitten, piper. i also listened to some good music too, i've been listening to a whole lot of bad bunny lately since the super bowl. now i'm just writing silly stories abt a webseries i likemaille wrote: ↑Tue Feb 10, 2026 4:43 pm Hi, holidayfromreal.
I do not have much to add, as I don't have experience having OCD myself. However, I wanted to pop in and see how distraction is going. It sounds like you have a good grip on what can distract you, and knowing yourself that well is really admirable.
Would it be helpful to plan or your next psychiatry session? Maybe we could come up with some talking points.
and i've already thought of how to discuss the intrusive thoughts with my psychiatrist so i don't really think i need help w/ that rn! dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
mikky
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Re: feeling ashamed
Popping in to say it sounds like you've got some great strategies going! When you start to feel particularly focused or obsessive with this topic, I hope you can remember and go back to these. I hope you have a calm evening.
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holidayfromreal
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- Location: minnesota
Re: feeling ashamed
thank you, i hope you have a good evening too
dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
when i'm here with you?
i said the world could be burning, burning down
-
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