How to stop feeling turned on so often

[Seraph]

I believe that I feel turned on/horny quite often (at home, at work, and even when im in class). Ive always hated feeling like this, I feel gross and creepy whenever I do. I've noticed that I feel the worse whenever im on a vacation or away from home for multiple days in a row. I usually get pretty horny after not masturbating for a few days and it makes me really uncomfortable. Is this an issue? And is there a way to stop feeling horny so often? Alternatively, do you have any advice for 'turning youself off' whenever I feel turned on?

[Latha]

Hi there, Seraph

I can see how it would be frustrating to feel aroused when in public, or when you're in the middle of another activity. But feeling aroused when you do not actually want sex, or having sexual thoughts when you are not in private, are things that happen to many people. You are not gross or creepy for having a simple reaction.

Generally, arousal isn't a feeling that can be turned on or off like a switch. If I had any advice for managing it, it would be to acknowledge the feelings without judging yourself for them and redirect your focus to another activity. Something that really engages your focus might help. Equally, you could try something physical and sensory, like taking a bath or exercising.

I'd like to share two pieces of ours that might shed some light here:

• Feeling Good When You're Feeling Bad: Dealing with Unwanted or Confusing Sexual Arousal

• How do I make these erections stop!?!

You've mentioned that you feel most bothered when you haven't masturbated for a few days. If I may ask, would it be a problem to find some time to address that feeling directly by having sex? (That can be with someone else or on your own.)

[Seraph]

I appreciate you responding to my post and im thabkful for thr resources you sent. As for addressing the feelings directly, I do not have a partner and when im on the vacations a large majority of the time im usually in a hotel room with my family or im staying at my grandparents house/ the house of some extended family member. I dont want to pleasure myself in this places for the obvious reasons so there is no way that I can think of for directly addressing this issue

[Becky]

Hey Seraph!

You might enjoy this advice column we have: How Can I Masturbate Without My Parents Knowing?

Definitely when you're on vacation with family and in close quarters the most privacy you'll probably find is in the bathroom when taking a shower. If that doesn't work as a solution, I would revisit that article that Latha sent you about how to calm down erections. If you aren't in a space where you can masturbate it's helpful to focus on other things like reading a book or taking a walk. The feelings of horniness should subside as you calm down and "distract" yourself.

As Latha said, it's very normal for people to get turned on randomly. Especially at your age. There's nothing gross or creepy about it, it's just a thing that happens since your testosterone levels have increased since puberty. Finding ways to distract yourself will be a good tool to have if feeling horny a lot of the time is making you uncomfortable, but there's nothing wrong with you!

[Heather]

I just want to make sure to add that generally, time all by itself will tend to take care of feelings of sexual desire that we can't or don't want to engage in action. So, if you just go ahead and notice that you have those feelings/desires, but then don't stay focused on them and instead, as has been suggested here, just do other things, those feelings will tend to pass, both in your mind and in your body. While it can very much feel like we need to be sexual to resolve or answer those feelings, we don't, actually -- if we just let go and don't keep thinking about it, our bodies also don't stay sexually focused.