How do I handle the need to Masturbate, even when in public?

[AngelTreat!!]

I'm in middle school, nearly about to leave grade 7 and head into grade 8. I want to know how to deal with the overwhelming need to Masturbate, as it makes me feel guilty and embarrassed. I'm too shameful to ask my parents, so I feel I'd better turn to a website that specializes in helping teens understand themselves.

I sometimes will be sitting in class, and I won't be paying attention. I unfortunately keep thinking about the idea of sex and masturbation constantly and I really can't leave it. I admit I sometimes think about other classmates in that manner, but I promise I've never gone up and some said thoughts; I only keep to myself.

Even as I have unsaid thoughts I keep locked away, I feel guilty about it, feeling perverted and disgusting.

I also find myself masturbating frequently at home, usually hitting around. 3-4 rounds until I notice it starts to hurt, with it taking a day or two for my crotch to stop hurting, as I sometimes keep going even after I climax. That often leads to my crotch hurting, specifically my g-spot and it makes it to where I kinda have to suffer if I want to Masturbate, in which it really does extremely hurt when I try before I'm fully recovered.

Can I please have some kind of idea to get over this? I'm trying to get over it for the better of myself.

[Andy]

Hi and welcome to the boards, AngelTreat! I’m glad you found us and I love the way you describe what we do, it definitely is a big part of what we are trying to help people with!

I would like to start talking about the guilt and embarrassment you feel, because I think it might be part of the reason why the thoughts feel so overwhelming to you. Can you think of some specific thoughts or worries you have about your fantasies or desire? And do you have a sense of where they might be coming from? Why do you think that "getting over it" would make you a better self?

If you think about it, what is the problem with having sexual thoughts, no matter what kind of those or about who, when you aren’t hurting or even in any way affecting anybody with them? I don’t see any. That is the beauty of imagination, we can have things in it that wouldn’t be possible or that we wouldn’t even want in real life. The only issue can be if the thoughts themselves were causing you discomfort, not just the shame or guilt about them. Do you think this is what is happening to you?

As for pain after masturbation, I’m sorry you are experiencing that. In many cases the easy and quick prevention of that is using lubrication. Is that something you have? If not, you can rest assured it is very easy to get hold off and can do a lot for masturbation feeling more pleasurable and less sore! Here is an article about lubes with more information that might be useful: Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer