i'm scared of dating, but want to date, what do i do?

[smiyh38]

Hi, Im almost 17 and i'm quite shy, and I don't have the best relationship with men. I've been sexualised and harassed from a young age, and it's led me away from ever dating or seeing anyone because I'm afraid of expectations or that I'm not the sexual or cool girl they want me to be. I've also always been very insecure about my appearance despite what anyone would tell me, and it's only made things harder. Recently I've noticed myself very slowly getting more confident in my looks, and I really want to let myself live romance and to experiment and meet people. I'm so scared that I don't know how to do that. I want to tame my fear and find out the right ways to navigate the dating world as someone shamefully inexperienced, but I don't know what steps I can take. I'm worried throwing myself in the deep end will just put me in a position I'm not ready to handle.

[Sofi]

Hi there, I'm so glad you wrote to us. I'm really sorry to hear you've had a bad experience with men. It's really smart of you to take your time and go at a pace that makes sense for you. <3

At your age, it's totally normal to be inexperienced in dating, so I don't think it's anything to consider shameful. Like I said, taking your time is the best way to go here, and that includes spending some time enjoying and growing that confidence you've been building in yourself. This can look however you want it to look, and once you feel a bit more comfortable, you can start by just striking conversations with guys you find interesting. Being yourself is super important to have a healthy dating life, and this idea that there's a "cool girl" men want...it's only going to leave you feeling inauthentic and like it's never good enough. Besides, you don't have to do anything to appeal to men - you are so worthy of a good guy and the right ones will like you for who you are. Where does this idea come from for you, that you have to fit a mold to be appealing to men? Did you hear this somewhere, or have you had personal experience with someone saying that to you?