How exactly does lesbian sex work and how should I interact within it?

[AngelTreat!!]

So me and my girlfriend are recently having discussed this and we've to set most of our boundaries, rather just I don't really know how it'll work. We're trying to plan it and we're both consenting parties as we're just trying to figure out how, when, and where. I have multiple questions, but I'll narrow it down to just 2 for now !

1 :
> Where could we have an idea of doing so?
Reason being is that we don't really have anywhere to go or at least nowhere ideal because it's either the public restrooms or her house (it can't be mine) and while her parents don't know we're dating it's still risky in case they come up and ask us something while we're mid session ,,

2 :
> How would it work? I mean we've been talking about me trying to provide orally for her and her using her fingers but it's like a little embarrassing/it flusters me ,, I DO want this but I think it's a little hard to do so,,,

any advice would help

[Heather]

Hi there, AngelTreat. Welcome to the boards. <3

I want to start with your second question first. Ultimately, sex with someone is pretty much the same no matter what kind of body they have, what their gender is, and what your body and gender is. There's no one way of being sexual with someone, nor even only a few ways. What partnered sex is is just two people exploring and expressing their sexuality together with their bodies. It might help to think about sex like the way you may have played with friends growing up, as something you do by collaborating and being creative together to see what's fun, making it up as you go along.

Like you've said, sex can include things like oral sex or manual sex (sex with hands and fingers), but that doesn't have to only be about genitals, and for people to really enjoy themselves, it usually isn't. Instead, when people have satisfying sex they are most often exploring their whole bodies more than just genitals. For more of what sex is, this piece gives a good overview: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... hats-sex-0

Curiosity, consent, communication (like someone asking for a certain kind of sex or touch, or a certain way to do something) and following what seems to feel good -- physically, but also emotionally and socially -- for us both at any given time are the guides to what we do with each other. If we or someone else feel uncomfortable with something, we don't have to do that thing or do that thing yet, or, if we want to do something but feel uneasy, we can try smaller ways of doing that thing. For example, if the idea of fingers on or around your vulva makes you feel uncomfortable right now, but you also are curious about it, you could see what just having a partner have their hands on that part of your body outside your clothes feels like, and start there.

You also might want to know that boundary setting isn't a one-time event, instead it's an active process, so both of you always get to set, reset, adapt and adjust whatever those are as you go. It can be kind of hard to set boundaries around things we haven't done, because we won't always be able to know what boundaries we'll need, you know?

I also want to make sure that you know that sex isn't something we need to try and do all at once (or even can do all at once!), and, in fact, this all tends to go better when people explore sexuality together more gradually. For example, a lot of people will spend a while -- be that days, weeks, months or more -- doing things together with clothes on first, before taking clothes off. That lets those folks get comfortable over time, develop sexual communication over time, and get a better idea for what they want that's really coming from them rather than their ideas of what sex is supposed to involve. Do you know what I mean?

In terms of places to be sexual, I strongly advise you don't do things like having kinds of sex in public places, like public restrooms. Especially public restrooms. Not only is there a whole universe of bacteria in there, which ups your risk of things like bacterial infections, it's just not safe for you and it also ignores the boundaries of other people using those places. It may be that for the time being, you have to wait until and unless a safe place, where you two can actually also have real time and privacy, shows up. I know that can be really frustrating, but I think that ultimately, it's worth it to save sex -- whatever our age -- for when we have safe and sound places to explore it in. <3

Thinking towards the future, about this and in general, do either of you have parents who you do feel you can both be out to and tell about this relationship?