Scarleteen

Sorry for back to back rants, I just have alot on my mind..

I couldn't help but wonder if being amab would've made me different. Is it easier to know if you're turned on? I hate not even having a little bit of a libido/ sex drive. Because I feel like I'm missing out on something, all my friends talk about their sexual adventures and I simply don't have any..there are times where I feel like I'm absolutely turned on and really want to masterbait but when I go to do so it's like my brain suddenly doesn't want to do it anymore, I try making myself turned on but it feels like I'm doing a whole lot for nothing. I know it's common to not have a sex drive or to have very little libido but I personally hate it, feels like I'm at least supposed to feel something.

No worries at all! If there's anything you'd like to talk about relating to sexuality and relationships, you can share them with us. I'm sorry that it's been hard for you to feel sexual desire.

I think it'll be hard to generalize that people who were born and socialized as boys/men have it easier to know if they're aroused and have sexual desire. It's not just that it depends on the person, but the assumption that they are more "ready" for sex is also inaccurate. Men--specifically cisgender men--aren't automatically more attuned to their sexual desires, and it's not affected by their hormones (like testosterones) either. Everyone, regardless of gender and sex (including intersex people) produce both testosterone and estrogen. It is true that in many cultures, men are expected to be more open with their sexuality, but that expectation doesn't have a correlation to the bodily side of things, if you get what I mean.

Your point about feeling left out is completely understandable, though. Unfortunately, in an allonormative (the idea that everyone experiences sexual attraction the same way and intensity) world, there's this pressure that people, especially folks in their teens and twenties, have to feel sexual attraction and have sex with others. Not to mention that the media is filled with portrayals of young people navigating their sexuality (regardless of their sexual orientation) in very specific ways, including the kinds of sex they have. While I'm not asexual, as you can see in my bio, I am aromantic, and there are definitely some similarities between what you're experiencing and what aromantic folks are. Where I live, where noncommittal, premarital sexual relationships are seen as sinful and taboo, there is a stronger pressure on experiencing romance and building a romantic relationship. You're definitely not alone.

Do you think reading books about and by asexual folks would help you feel less bad? It's a popular choice (for a reason), but I think Angela Chen's Ace is a good start. I've read some chapters about it and it's opened my eyes to the experiences of asexual folks.