The other problem is the fact that she tells me that she is straight. I do not want to analyze another person's identity too much, but I just desperately need to know whether I am being delusional or not... She has repeatedly mentioned that she "should just like women" or that she wishes that she did, because men always let her down. She's never had a boyfriend even though there has been opportunities. She always seems to find something a little wrong with every guy she talks to. It's what I used to do with guys before realising I'm probably just a lesbian. It just seems like she may not be genuinely that excited about men, but being more excited by the idea of talking about dating/men.
She recommended me a book, that was about a lesbian couple and told me that it "made her think". Idk what about tho, she didn't say anything else. Never asked her more about it, but I should've. One time we were sitting on a couch watching our other friends sing some song on karaoke, when I suddenly noticed her staring at me from the corner of my eye. She was smiling and there was this weird "softness" in her eyes. She kept staring for like 20 secs, smiling the whole time and then I finally just asked "What?". She replies "nothing", and continues smiling but stops staring at me. Is that a casual friend thing to do or not? Am I going crazy? One time after a really good girls’ night, she said: “I don’t know if a man can ever make me this happy.” (there were two other girls there too)
She's my favorite person ever and it would kill me if I lost her friendship so idk if I can ever talk about this to her. And I'm not even sure if I'm falling for her or is this just all delusion. Please tell me your thoughts!!
