Am I bisexual? or lesbian?

[Ellie Jung]

I used to think that I was straight when I was young, because I only had crushes on boys. And I had crushes on more than 10 boys. But, last year I noticed that I was in love with my friend who is a girl. Having crush on a girl felt really different because I wanted to do everything for her and make her happy, while I just wanted boys to love me when I had crushes on boys. After that, I identified myself as bisexual. But now, I don't want to date boys, kiss them, or have sex with them. I have butterflies in my stomach when some men are around me but I never want to date them or something. I only want to date girls, kiss them, and have sex with them. So, I feel like I'm lesbian and I want to say so. Can I identify as lesbian if I only want to date, kiss, have sex with girls even though I had crushes on boys?

[char]

Hey Ellie, welcome to the boards! Your interest (which I also share) reminds me that I should probably sharpen up my Korean skills again, hehe.

The thing with whether you "can" use certain words to describe your sexual and romantic orientation is that no one has the final say about it but yourself. If you currently feel like the word "lesbian" is better for you right now, you can go ahead and identify as a lesbian, even if you've had crushes on boys in the past. You're not any less of a lesbian if you were attracted in boys but no longer feel that way now. The same applies if you feel like "bisexual" describes your experience better; you don't need to feel "equal" amounts of attraction to people of similar and different genders to be bisexual. There's a section in our article about sexual orientation called "How and When Do You Know?" which has some questions on orientation that you can try answering for yourself.

Does this answer your question? I also hope things are going well between you and your friend.