Am I really that unworthy

[Kimctv]

Am I that unworthy to not receive a single reply on any of my new posts are u intentionally skipping over me I thought this was a site I could find help everyone else ive seen is getting replies am i not worth replying to?

[mikky]

Kimctv,
What we offer here is sex education and information and support. While our services can range outside of that, because people are complicated beings with many facets of their lives, that is the core of what we do. We are real people writing replies, doing our best to address many different topics and individuals across multiple platforms. What we cannot do, both because it is out of our scope and because it is simply impossible, is offer constant reassurance or validation, to any user. The order we reply to posts does not mean anything about someone's worthiness.

I want to ask that if you choose to keep talking with us here, that you be respectful of our time and energy. A lot of folks- almost our entire direct services team- have written to you in the last week.

You've made quite a few posts in the last week centering on the core feeling of not feeling worthy, desired, validated, or liked. I can absolutely relate and empathize with those feelings. I know it is tough. But when we create a really strong narrative about ourselves like this (people don't really care about me, for example, is one I have struggled with before) it can shade our ability to notice and receive the real help and care people offer to us. Posting twice in a row about feeling targeted and unworthy because you are watching me attend to other people is, in my opinion, an example of this. I do think that seeking some solid mental health support may do a lot of good. A couple hours ago, you seemed interested in looking into lower-cost options or exploring what resources may be available through your school. I really hope you can explore that further.

For me, personally, I've learned that the nobody-likes-me nobody-wants-me woes are really easy to fuel and spiral into, because the deeper I fall into that feeling, the less I am actually doing the things that help me engage in good relationships with others. Reaching out, showing up for friends, telling AND showing people I care for them, all helps me genuinely counteract these spirals. And as hard as it is, recognizing and celebrating my self worth, regardless of what other people are saying/not saying, has brought me a much clearer, deeper, real sense of validation and worth than anything anyone else could have possibly provided.

[Kimctv]

Yeah ok my school doesnt hsve a therapy thing

[Straif]

Hi Kimctv,
I'm struggling to figure out how to respond here because mikky, like several of our volunteers, has replied to you with kindness and compassion that it seems like you're not able to take in. I'd like you to give what they said a little reread, especially this part:

You've made quite a few posts in the last week centering on the core feeling of not feeling worthy, desired, validated, or liked. I can absolutely relate and empathize with those feelings. I know it is tough. But when we create a really strong narrative about ourselves like this (people don't really care about me, for example, is one I have struggled with before) it can shade our ability to notice and receive the real help and care people offer to us. Posting twice in a row about feeling targeted and unworthy because you are watching me attend to other people is, in my opinion, an example of this.

I agree with mikky that you seem to have this really strong narrative that people don't care about you that's coloring your interactions with us-- and likely with other people. In other words, if you've already decided people don't care about you, then you're going to interpret any limitation or boundary they have as proof of that fact. With that in mind, it might be helpful to ask yourself a few questions:

1. How do people show me care in ways that I may be struggling to take in? You could start with looking at the supportive and caring statements you've received in your interactions with us, but I hope you can also extend it to other people and places in your life. For example, in a previous post, you wrote off compliments from your parents as not being "genuine" because they "have to" compliment you. I can assure you that they don't. In fact, there are a lot of parents out there who respond to their children with indifference and criticism. If your parents are giving you compliments, it's likely from a place of genuine appreciation, especially if they see you struggling to appreciate yourself.

2. What am I getting out of believing nobody cares about me? The answer to this question may very well be "nothing," which is a good reason to work on noticing when people demonstrate care for you, even if it might not be in the way you want. But it's also possible that this narrative is your brain thinking it's protecting you. (If that sounds ludicrous, it's because it is, but brains don't always have the best ideas about how to protect us.) So the question becomes, "What is my brain trying to protect me from?" Disappointment? Vulnerability?

3. How do I want to be shown care and support? Setting aside wanting to be "lusted" after, what is it that you're actually looking for there? Safety? Reassurance? Validation? Then think about other ways you can ask people to show you care that will help you feel safe, reassured, and validated. Do you want to spend more time together? Engage in a particular activity?

4. How can I show care and support for others? Relationships aren't one-way streets, and people aren't validation dispensers. So, ask yourself, who are the people in your life who have been trying to show you care that maybe you haven't been able to see-- and think about asking them how you can show care and support for them, too. It doesn't have to be anything grand-- a lot of times people just want someone to listen to them. And you don't have to restrict this to interpersonal relationships. Are there volunteer opportunities in your community? For example, local animal shelters are often happy to have teens walk rescue dogs or help with adoption events.

Journaling is a good option for working through these questions, but ideally, you would also need the support of a therapist. I know you've been struggling to access that kind of care, but I don't think you should give up on pursuing it. I'm sorry your school doesn't have any counseling services available, but there may be other low-cost supports for teens in your area. I think it may also be worth your time to reiterate to your parents how much you're struggling and get them to at least explore options with you. You can let them know that, if they have insurance, it may cover a significant portion of the cost. And, even if they don't, many therapists offer sliding-scale payments. If you're worried about approaching them again, we can help you figure out ways to communicate your needs.

[Kimctv]

Thanks for the help