I cant date guys my age
I cant date guys my age
When I was younger I got in a bad habit of talking to older guys online. It started with only a few years older and then got significantly worse now that I’m a little older I thought it’s time to maybe start looking for something in real life but all the guys ive hung out with in real life are so immature compared to the guys I’m used to plus I like how the older ones treat me and it makes it so hard to date it. I feel like I’ll never be able to date somebody my age and I need like a huge age gap. any girls had any similar situations? If so, what did you do?
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Heather
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Re: I cant date guys my age
Welcome to the boards, Liripoop.
I'm a nonbinary person, not a girl -- and you've posted this in the area of the boards for staff-only answers, so LMK if you want me to move it to where users can also pitch in -- but I've dated both across age ranges and with people my own age across my long lifespan of quite a lot of dating.
It sounds like you are comparing older men you have talked to online with guys your own age you have talked with IRL. Part of the issue here is going to be that you're assuming that how those older guys are online is how they are in person, and that's usually not the case: most people are not the same online as they are in person, to some degree, but I think that in this case the difference is going to be particularly stark. I suspect you'd find that if you were actually dating those older guys you'd not see the level of difference you are, and that, in time, you'd see some other common issues come to light with those older guys -- like a lack of real respect for you as a 14-year-old person, like over-sexualizing you, like not taking you very seriously, or some other stuff that's a lot worse -- that they aren't showing you so far. A huge age gap is also rarely something that makes for a healthy intimate relationship, particularly for the younger person and particularly for very young women. We can talk more about that if you want.
Chances are good that this all has less to do with age and more to do with the the difference in medium (online vs. IRL at school), what you can't actually see from the online guys, who are probably on their very best behavior because it's much easier to do that online, and just the possibility that the guys around your own age you have met or interacted with so far aren't the best match for you or haven't been in the kind of situation with you where they can show you what maturity they have, like in a private place where you can talk for a long time, like you have probably been doing online.
Since you're also only 14, I'm guessing you've not had a lot of dating experience so far to compare what you've recently experienced. You might also want to bear in mind that in 2026, for a lot of people your age of every gender, 14 feels like too young for dating, period, including because it does ask for a level of emotional maturity many people that age are still very much just at the start of developing. Even inside a couple of years, you're very likely to see some pretty big changes when it comes to your peers developing more emotional maturity. Some of this may be that you just need to give everyone around your age a little more time to grow up some more, so this idea of "never" is one that, I assure you, you can let go of and not worry about. <3
What kind of help are you looking for with this from us besides the kind of things I've just offered? Do you want some help, perhaps, better screening who you say yes to dates or even long hangs with to help you better find people to date have more maturity? Do you want to talk about the ways older men treat you online that you say you're not finding with people your age so we can both have a better sense of what you're looking for and what's missing?
I'm a nonbinary person, not a girl -- and you've posted this in the area of the boards for staff-only answers, so LMK if you want me to move it to where users can also pitch in -- but I've dated both across age ranges and with people my own age across my long lifespan of quite a lot of dating.
It sounds like you are comparing older men you have talked to online with guys your own age you have talked with IRL. Part of the issue here is going to be that you're assuming that how those older guys are online is how they are in person, and that's usually not the case: most people are not the same online as they are in person, to some degree, but I think that in this case the difference is going to be particularly stark. I suspect you'd find that if you were actually dating those older guys you'd not see the level of difference you are, and that, in time, you'd see some other common issues come to light with those older guys -- like a lack of real respect for you as a 14-year-old person, like over-sexualizing you, like not taking you very seriously, or some other stuff that's a lot worse -- that they aren't showing you so far. A huge age gap is also rarely something that makes for a healthy intimate relationship, particularly for the younger person and particularly for very young women. We can talk more about that if you want.
Chances are good that this all has less to do with age and more to do with the the difference in medium (online vs. IRL at school), what you can't actually see from the online guys, who are probably on their very best behavior because it's much easier to do that online, and just the possibility that the guys around your own age you have met or interacted with so far aren't the best match for you or haven't been in the kind of situation with you where they can show you what maturity they have, like in a private place where you can talk for a long time, like you have probably been doing online.
Since you're also only 14, I'm guessing you've not had a lot of dating experience so far to compare what you've recently experienced. You might also want to bear in mind that in 2026, for a lot of people your age of every gender, 14 feels like too young for dating, period, including because it does ask for a level of emotional maturity many people that age are still very much just at the start of developing. Even inside a couple of years, you're very likely to see some pretty big changes when it comes to your peers developing more emotional maturity. Some of this may be that you just need to give everyone around your age a little more time to grow up some more, so this idea of "never" is one that, I assure you, you can let go of and not worry about. <3
What kind of help are you looking for with this from us besides the kind of things I've just offered? Do you want some help, perhaps, better screening who you say yes to dates or even long hangs with to help you better find people to date have more maturity? Do you want to talk about the ways older men treat you online that you say you're not finding with people your age so we can both have a better sense of what you're looking for and what's missing?
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