I’m inexperienced and nervous about sex.

[trixis]

Hi! I’m looking for some advice about intimacy and sexuality.

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year. We both want to become more sexually intimate, but we haven’t had sex yet.

She’s told me about her preferences, including BDSM and enjoying being dominated. I’m not sure what I like yet. I might enjoy similar things, but I haven’t really explored my own sexuality.

I find it very difficult to initiate anything because I’m nervous and afraid of doing something wrong. I don’t know where to start, what to do, or how to make her feel good. She sometimes gives me general suggestions, like dirty talk, but I don’t really know how to put them into practice.

My biggest question is: how do I actually get started and overcome the fear of doing something wrong? How can I stop overthinking every little thing, feel more comfortable taking the initiative, and understand that I don’t have to know exactly what I’m doing from the beginning? I’d really appreciate some practical advice on how to approach intimacy when you’re inexperienced and nervous.

I’d really appreciate any advice!

[amber]

Hi trixis ,

New sexual experiences can be intimidating just like how anything new is intimidating. The great part is that you have someone to experience that newness with! It sounds like you and your girlfriend have talked about sex and desire, which is great! Have you shared your worries with her as well?

When it comes to starting, you can lead with what you know you like/desire. Do you currently have any form of closeness or physical intimacy which you enjoy (like cuddling, kissing, etc.)? If so, this is the way to start! There is no need to flip the switch on and jump into new things when you have things that work (and may build desire)!

After that you will need to let your partner guide you to what feels good. Even if you've had sex with lots of other partners you would not know what your girlfriend likes. You both should be communicating about how it is your body wants/likes to be touched.

When it comes to BDSM or dominance it is important to remember that this sorta sex takes a greater level of communication including much talk prior to sex. Although it is something you can absolutely discuss, I wonder if not putting pressure on yourself to include that kind of play on your first time would be helpful.

Does that answer your questions?