Circumcision, awful sex-ed

[AngryPills]

I'm seventeen years old, and have never had sex. My parents never taught me anything about sex. They told me not to do it until I'm married, which I plan on doing. However, that is all they ever told me about sex, and I recently discovered that I am, in fact, circumcised. I'm pretty upset that I spent my entire life thinking I had a normal penis, but am, in fact, circumcised. It makes me pretty angry. What should I do about it? Should I confront my parents?

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, AngryPills, and I'm sorry you're struggling right now.

Not knowing anything at all about you and your relationship with your parents besides what you've posted, it'd be hard for me to advise you on this as it stands.

Do YOU want to talk to them about either or both of these things? If so, then okay, you get to do that. And if you want to do that, what would you be looking to get out of these conversations for yourself? If we can identify that, we can usually get a good start on sorting out the best way to approach conversations like these.

[AngryPills]

I want to ask them if they did, in fact, have me circumcised, and if so, why. Both they and I are religious, but there's nothing we believe that requires or even asks for circumcision. If I confront them, I get the feeling I'll end up feeling even more angry than I already am, but i need to ask them why.

[Heather]

Okay. So, do you feel like that's a kind of level of anger you can manage while still having a constructive conversation? Or, do you feel like it isn't, so you might want to explore different ways to come at this.

(Mind, assuming you were not adopted, and your parents are your biological parents, if you are circumcised, it is pretty much a given that it was something they chose for you. So, unless there's something in the mix here that makes that up for grabs, you can probably assume you already know this was the choice they made. In other words, that may not be actual information you need, you may already have it, it's the "why" pieces and expressing how you feel with them that are missing from that picture.)

[AngryPills]

Here is my update. I asked my mom, and she said yes, I was circumcised as a child. Here reason? She didn't give one, other than "that's just what is done." She said it was normal for doctors to do that to newborns. I don't understand. Is this normal for kids to get cut? Surely it isn't.

[Heather]

In the United States, particularly, parents choosing elective infant circumcision is very common, far, far more so than in most other parts of the world. So yes, here it is.

But of course, it being common doesn't mean than plenty of people don't have very strong feelings about it when it was something done to them. You get to feel how you feel about it regardless. Were you able to talk any about your feelings?

[AngryPills]

She asked if I was mad at her, I told her no, but I still feel that it was very unfair to have this done to me

[Heather]

Well, perhaps that can be the next conversation you have?