Told my FWB I love him

[zooeym]

So I am currently kind of heartbroken. I've had a FWB-ish relationship with my ex boyfriend (both of us are 18) since we started uni, because neither of us wanted a LDR. We have always been quite 'couply' though when we visited each other, and neither of us really sees other people (I just sometimes get off with guys in clubs). Recently we've become particularly close though as it's our Easter holidays and we've spent a lot of time together, and I realised I've developed really strong feelings for him. I was certain I'd fallen in love, and because he'd been being really sweet and caring to me I thought he might feel the same.

So I told him, and he didn't say it back. Instead he said he loves me, but wasn't sure he was in love with me. I know he's very emotionally repressed and out of touch with his emotions but surely if he was in love he'd know. He said he felt like a horrible person but that it would change anything between us, he still really really likes me and cares about me etc. He just doesn't want to be in a relationship with me...

But I don't know what to do. At all. My head is a mess, is it possible for me to carry on as we are? I told him that even though I love him I probably wouldn't want a LDR anyway, but maybe I do and I'm just kidding myself. I know the sensible, mature decision is probably to end things before I fall apart, but both of us love things as they are and I don't want to lose him. Any advice would be great

[Ashleah]

Hi Zooey,

Not having feelings reciprocated in the same way is definitely tough, especially since it's so new

I think it is really important to consider what you want/feel and how much that matches up with what your ex is looking for. And not JUST the fact that you want to continue being with this person in the way that you have been bc you don't want to lose them. A lot of times people will have a type of relationship they don't truly want in order to get just a bit of what they really do. In the long run doing this will hurt more.

It sounds like even though you might not want a LDR, you do want more from the relationship than your ex is willing to give. You all might need to readjust what is happening in the relationship or take some time apart (which might end up being permanent). Honestly, I think continuing the relationship will end up feeling worse over time but I don't get to make that decision for you. So I would recommend that you take some time to figure out what you would really like before continuing with this relationship.

Some things you might want to consider are:
-How would you feel if the relationship never changes? You remain FWB?
-What would you have liked to happen if your ex's feelings were the same as yours?
-Is this the type of relationship you are interested in right now or just with this person (to be with them in any type of way)?

If all after considering this things, you decide ideally a FWB relationship is not the best option for you then it's time to make a change.

You took a brave step by telling your ex your feelings! Unfortunately, it didn't work out the way you would have liked, but it is a step in figuring out what is going to work best for you. It's okay, and necessary, to take your feelings and wants into consideration!!!

[zooeym]

Hey Asleah,

Thanks so much for your reply. That really helps clear things up. I think I'll just take things day to day, focus on my exams for now and see how things are by the summer when we can see each other all the time.

But, I saw him again today and felt different. he was being very very sweet and caring, acting like normal, but I felt a little awkward and weird around him. Do you think this is because I'll just be embarrassed for a while, or does this mean it's kind of over? I just don't know haha!

I wish I could take it back...

[Eddie C]

Hello there, Zooeym. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time.

In addition to what Ashleah already said, I just wanted to say that -- even when it sound like a crummy-cheesy-cliché -- saying what you think/feel is nothing you should regret. I know that sometimes not getting the response you wanted/expected makes it so much harder.

I'm going to leave you the next link, which is one of my favorites on the site. Hope it helps you a little bit.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... ove_letter