Fifty Shades: I feel alone

[CuriousEmpath]

Dear Readers,

I am an empath by nature and innocent despite my years to give you a very brief idea of my background. I am a fan of the Fifty Shades books but I find I am alone in this in the public opinion arena especially in articles written by professionals or those who fall into that category. I see the flaws in the book series;the abusive relationship, the one facet representation of BDSM, the poor writing. However I still do not see how its such a "threat" to the populace as so many articles say.
I have been an avid book reader from the moment I could read. I do have my book genre preferences but only recently gained the courage to read romance and erotica novels. Thankfully I accidentally weaned myself into it via reading borderline romance before finally reading one of the Laurell K Hamilton Anita Blake novels. I progressed then onto Anne Rice's Beauty series before finally wondering what all the uproar was about and read Fifty Shades.
I took Fifty Shades with a grain of salt like I do most books that contain sex and fictional relationships. I still found I enjoyed the story and the characters despite their flaws. However I've read articles that claim that by reading this fictional book that the populace especially women will open armed accept abusive relationships and think that BDSM is all bells and whistles torture. I personally find that insulting to not just me but all of the populace. Its essentially saying the readers have no will of their own and just blindly accept whatever they read as if they can't differentiate between reality and fantasy.
Also yes I am a strong willed female and I may be an exception to the rule but keep this in mind I've also been in an abusive friendship that included physical abuse so I'm not impenetrable. Yet despite my weakness I would never consider an abusive relationship like portrayed in Fifty Shades and I dang well know that BDSM like anything has different variations to it.

So readers am I alone in my view or are there others who think its an insult to portray Fifty Shade's readers as mindless zombies?

[Johanna]

Dear Curious Empath,

I hope it's okay for me to respond to this, given that I am someone who has written negative reviews of both the first 50 Shades book, and the movie adaptation. I am very sorry that you felt insulted by such negative reviews of the book series, and I want to start by saying (at least for myself, I cannot speak for all of the other people who have written about the series) that my intent was certainly not to insult anyone, or imply that they cannot think for themselves.

I do want to speak a little bit about where the idea that these books, and books like them, could be dangerous comes from. In media studies, we consider a text (be that a book or a film or even an event or news article, etc) not just as a stand-alone artefact, but as the result of a myriad of different cultural influences. As such, any given text reflects not just the author's conscious ideas, but also lots of influences they were exposed to without being aware of it. And once it is out there, a text becomes, in turn, one of the many different influences out there that have an impact on others.

So, we don't just look at 50 Shads in isolation. We also look at where it comes from, what its background is, and the context in which it was published. And things like the portrayal of the main character as someone who has no interests or passions, no real personality of her own, and seems to exist solely to be in love with a guy, isn't something that's unique to this text. It is part of a larger trend. And that's pretty worrying, because if there are a ton of cultural texts out there that give the impression that that's all a woman needs to do or be, then that can eventually shape unhealthy expectations of relationship and lead to unhealthy dynamics.

But that does not mean that there is anything wrong with any individual who happens to like this particular book, or that that person is doomed to have only terrible relationships. It just means that, when we look at the book in its larger context and see it as a part of the current cultural moment, it reflects and perpetuates some ideas that are not so great.

(I do want to point out that what's portryed in the book isn't just 'one variation' of BDSM, but not in fact BDSM at all. Which is part of the problem with the book. If you want to talk more about that particular aspect of it, I'm happy to have that conversation.)

[CuriousEmpath]

Thank you for the reply. I just wanted someone out there to explain not just to me but to others that it's ok to like things that are bad as long as you realize that it's well bad. I needed that vent and to seek others.

As far as BDSM yeah I've done some research but nothing to intense because eventually I feel weird about researching something like that. I'll just believe you that BDSM is misconstrued in the books since you're not the first to tell me that (I have a friend who has first hand experience).

[Johanna]

You are very welcome! I am glad this has helped make you feel a bit better. The intent of myself, and others I know who have written negatively about 50 Shades, really has never been to hurt anyone, but to help educate those who may have come to the texts with less awareness or knowledge.

There is also absolutely nothing wierd about BDSM, or about being curious about it! If you have any questions, this is a good place to ask them.

[Heather]

Too, know that researching BDSM doesn't have to involve anything you're not already doing already: reading about it.

It would just mean also getting books that are non-fiction intended for education, not just fiction books intended for sexual fantasy and entertainment, as you have so far.

Too, you kind of have to know it's a given that you aren't anything close to alone in enjoying something which has been read by millions of people. In fact, the critical opinions about this are very much the minority, not the other way round.

[Kaizen]

CuriousEmpath (love the name, by the way), I thought of these articles written by someone experienced with BDSM: http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/p/fifty- ... index.html.
This one, about the negotiation, actually taught me a lot about how BDSM works: http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2013/10/ ... ter-7.html

(To clarify, I don't mean to take away from your enjoying the book AS a book-- the author does get somewhat harsh on readers sometimes. Rather, I think it does a great job of explaining why the situations in the book would be bad news and how real-life BDSM would actually go.)

I don't have any desire to do most BDSM things, but I'm intellectually interested! If you find something intriguing, I'm all for doing research.

[Sunshine]

Thank you for the reply. I just wanted someone out there to explain not just to me but to others that it's ok to like things that are bad as long as you realize that it's well bad. I needed that vent and to seek others.

Curious Empath - what a wonderful name!

If you ask me (and you didn't, I know, but I'm answering all the same because I am one of those people who can't keep their mouth shut, apparently), it is totally okay to like books that are, by literary standards that you didn't even define or had a say in, "bad". I am not a Shades of Gray fan, either. But I like plenty of other stuff that has been ripped to shreds by critics, and that isn't in any way realistic.

Of course it is important to realize how different real relationships and sexual encounters are (or should be...) to those in romance novels, films, etc, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with enjoying a fantasy, or having a few of your own!

By the way, why is it that "bad", unrealistic books about love written for women get a lot more negative public attention than "bad" unrealistic fiction about violence created for men? That is my impression, anyway. Or have I just been reading the wrong reviews?